Momento Mori

I went on a long run Sunday, which at this point in training means four miles, not much, but hey it's a start.

Regardless, I went running with my friends Susan and Katie, from their lay community in Oakland to and through a nearby cemetery.

We started running around 4:45 and finished up around 40 minutes later, so we ran fairly consistently at a 10 minute mile pace, which is what I'm aiming for.

The run itself is had this weird other wordly feel to it. The sun was setting and there we were running through a cemetery, with all the dead looking on. Gravestones and memorials as far as the eye can see. It gave the whole experience this momento mori (remember to die) edge to it.

I feel that too often as a culture we sanitize death. We clean it up and try and shy away from it and pretend that it doesn't happen. The dead beg to differ. Death is not pretty, death is not dignified and death, will come for us all some day.

That being said, to give this a slightly lighter tone, death for Christians is never the final word. Yes the crucifixion happens, yes there is pain and suffering, yes there is death and the tomb; but there is also the resurrection. There is the hope of the life hereafter where we will toil no more. There is the communion of saints, we share Christ's death, thankfully we share also in the resurrection.

The run took on this meditative feel, questions abounded about what is dead in my life, and where have I turned away from God recently. It provided a good space to do a quick examine (Ignatian prayer) as much as one can do while simultaneously praying "please God let this hill end soon."

It was a pleasant run, and now I've done a little less than a third of the half marathon distance. I'm beginning to suspect that it is in fact possible to run for 13.1 miles with out stopping. We shall see.

Running on Faith

Training for the half marathon has officially begun.

I officially need to find a new running route.

The Bay area is one of the hilliest in the country, I thought I had taken this into account adequately enough when plotting my current running route. However, I had currently have myself running up Virginia, the street I live on, at the end of my jog. This is, by all accounts, stupid. There's nothing fun about the grade of that hill.

A few other thoughts from training so far, anyone who tells you that exercise, more specifically running, is not an act of Faith, is either lying or selling something. I do know that I pray with much more fervor and conviction when I am running. Usually my prayer consists of "Please Lord, deliver me." Running in an urban environment means crossing busy intersections and dealing with traffic and snickers of smug people in much better shape than I am, I'm still kind of amazed how many intersections I've come to where I manage to hit the timing just right so that I don't have to wait at it, usually this happens when I know if I have to stop running I'm not sure I'll actually start back up again.

Suffice it to say that the training is going as well as can be expected.

The Holy Spirit

Pity the Holy Spirit, the poor forgotten step child of the trinity
Father Dan Ruff S.J.

I went to mass at the Jesuit school this evening and helped coordinate it. In laymans terms that means that I set the altar and recruited Eucharistic ministers and Lectors. I had the privilege of assisting Father Kurt Denk. Kurt and I go back a ways, I knew him during his regency (the working phase of the Jesuit formation process) as he was a teacher of Philosophy at Loyola College while I was a student there. Additionally he was on staff for the Center for Values and service. It was a nice little reunion.

During the Eucharistic prayer, there's an invocation of the Holy Spirit that struck me today as I was standing with the congregation. It reminded me of something Dan Ruff, another Jesuit used to say about the Holy Spirit. A lot of attention within the Trinity is given to God the Creator and Jesus the Son, but in Catholic circles the Holy Spirit doesn't get talked about all that much. Perhaps this is why all Jesuit schools have a Mass of the Holy Spirit at the beginning of their academic year. To cause people to reflect on the Holy Spirit, who She is to them, and how they see Him working in their life.

I tend to see the Holy Spirit acting most in my life through subtle intuitions and things that are usually attributable to coincidence. When everything comes together just right for a big event that I've been planning, when a friend whom I asked to say grace blows me and everyone else away with this powerful reflective prayer that could alone have been the whole event, that flash of inspiration that causes me to scrap my original paper topic and start from scratch. That's the Holy Spirit.

So who is the Holy Spirit for you?

Leviticus

So perhaps it's just me and my bias (I am the son of a Lawyer after all,) but I've been starting to read Leviticus, Deuteronomy and the law parts of Exodus as God's operation manual for the Israelites.

If you think about it from a law suit/settlement mindset, a whole heck of a lot more of that book makes sense.

Take for example, this passage from Exodus: "When a man gives an ass, or an ox or a sheep or any other animal to another for safekeeping, if it dies, or is maimed or snatched away without anyone witnessing the fact, the custodian shall swear by the Lord that he did not lay hands on his neighbors property; the owner must accept the oath and no restitution is to be made. But if the custodian is really guilty of theft, he must make restitution to the owner. If it has been killed by a wild beast, let him bring it as evidence, and he need not make restitution for the mangled animal."

Tradition has it that Moses is the author of the Law and the Pentatuch. I mean can't you just see it. Ishmael hit Joshua's goat with a stick because it was in his field and wouldn't move. Joshua's goat staggers home to Joshua and promptly dies. Witnesses are called before Moses to testify to the fact, Ishmael did hit Joshua's goat pretty hard... and Moses retires to consult God.

Moses: God I've got another one
God: JESUS CHRIST what is it this time?
Moses: Sigh.. I know I know... Ishmael
God: Him again?
Moses: Yeah he hit Joshua's goat and it died.
God: Why the heck did he do that?
Moses: It wasn't moving from his field.
God: Oh. Did it die in his field?
Moses: No it staggered home to Joshua.
God: Did it die right away?
Moses: well it made it back to the flock and staggered around there for a bit, then died.
God: Sigh... fine

And thus we find out that if an animal makes it back to its owners property after being struck the one who struck it shall not make restitution if it was grazing on his land. However, if he struck it for no particular reason he must make restitution. If however, it shall linger till the next day he need make no restitution for striking the animal with his staff. Woe be unto him, however, who strikes his neighbors animal with a rock for unto him shall come...

and you get the idea right? We have frivilous lawsuits over how to properly use electronic equipment and someone using it in a manner inconsistent with it's intended purpose makes for yet another page in the next models manual to prevent further law suits. The Israelites had lawsuits over animals, or slaves or sex... just think about bestiality:

Moses: Uhm God... Ishmael
God: Sigh, what did he do this time?
Moses: Uhm... well he and one of Joshua's goats.
God: Did he hit another one? I thought I told you what to do about that two days ago?
Moses: Well... in a manner of speaking he hit it, but not with his staff.
God:...
Moses: He was found in a compromising position with Joshua's goat.
God: HE did what to a goat? Oh #*$& no. That's it, let it be known to all my people they can not do that to goats, or antelopes or any animal. Put the goat out of it's misery tonight, and make Ishmael spend 7 days outside the community till he's REALLY sorry, no mana for that guy. And you BETTER not try and sacrifice that goat to me. I'm watching you.

Like I said... makes that whole part of the Bible make a lot more sense.

The Devil

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist
The usual suspects

I was talking tonight with a friend of mine here about, interestingly enough, the Devil. We got on the subject because I'm rereading the Didache for a history paper (the Didache is the teachings of the Apostles for the new church) and in there they talk a lot about the role of prophets in the church. A role which has since fallen into... well... disuse. The description of them was one that seemed almost charismatic. Anyway.

I've wrestled with this topic quite a bit myself before even getting here. I haven't arrived at any mind blowing conclusions, and to be honest, the big question here at the root of the "devil" question is the existence of evil. As my church history professor here said, the question of evil is one that every good THINKING christian has to and needs to wrestle with at least once in their life. For me it's more of a constant wrestling, and frankly that is another blog post in and of itself. Back to the Devil.

It's interesting to me that I'm posting this on the feast of Saint Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, the three archangels who threw down Satan and his angels from heaven. When you get down to it... at times I tend to agree with my friend Brian from college, I'm not entirely sure whether or not the Devil exists. I tend to find that the Devil provides a scapegoat and a good excuse for evil, when quite frankly, a lot of evil in the world is done by people to other people. I'm not entirely sure I want to give genocidists and corporate hitmen a pass. What they do is evil in any and all senses of the word. Perhaps this is me being hard of heart, but I don't want some supernatural force of evil they can point to and say,"the Devil made me do it." No, they don't get a pass that easily.

What I do believe about the Devil is this. He is extremely subtle. Frankly, if the Devil were to appear to me as the stereotypical pointy bearded, twisted tail and cloven hooves... I'd probably wet myself I'd be laughing that hard. I just wouldn't be capable of taking him seriously. No, the Devil, when he chooses to act, is much more subtle. Especially for those who have an active faith, and can discern his actions, he never comes at you head on, it's always indirect. For example, without getting too specific, a couple years ago I went through a period of extreme self doubt in my abilities as a minister. I dug myself down into a really deep pit of depression and despair, to the point where I wasn't sure there was a bottom or how to get out. Did the Devil throw me forcibly down there? No, I did it to myself. But if we want to accept the existence of the Devil you can bet he was handing me the shovel and every other tool I used to put myself there.

This brings me to the only other thing I feel I can say about the Devil with any certainty. S/He has as much power as you give him/her. No more, and no less. One the one hand, if you recognize that the Devil is actively coming after you, by handing you a shovel to dig yourself a pit of self doubt and despair, but you reject the negative patterns of thought and instead start spending time with people who affirm you, (because you might at that point be incapable of doing it yourself) you're taking away the Devil's power. If, on the other hand, you keep shoveling... well, you're certainly not helping yourself. After all, as Kevin Spacey said in the usual suspects, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled is convincing the world that he doesn't exist.

Baptism

My nephew David was baptized this weekend. I was thankfully able to be present, and also to be selected as his sponsor (Lutherans use the term sponsor instead of Godparent, the role is the same, helps play an important role in the faith formation of the newly baptized child.)

It was a neat little ceremony, but also interesting. I'm used to baptism's happening in the context of a church service. The only other one I've attended where that wasn't the case was my cousin's Karen and Kimmy's newest babies baptism's this past Spring. Fun facts about Catholic baptism: it can be performed anytime, anywhere by any baptized catholic. Those of you who would say that women can not perform sacraments are wrong, that being said this is the only sacrament a catholic woman is capable of performing. Catholic women are capable of performing a baptism. According to Catholic teaching, anyone Catholic, by right of their own baptism, can baptize another in the faith. All that is required is water, or some other liquid and a statement of faith and belief from the person receiving it. Though this baptism is really only supposed to be done in emergencies.

During the early days of the church, (we're talking first or second century and early 3rd century) it was also a commonly held belief that if you were martyred, that counted for your baptism, back then children weren't traditionally baptized, you were supposed to wait until you were an adult and then study (for sometimes and in some places for as long as three years) to become a Christian. Hence, if you were arrested during your time of study and publicly witnessed to the faith (the main component of martyrdom, you could actually be a martyr and not die, it happened once or twice) and were killed, the blood you shed during your death baptized you.

Musings about the historicity and theology of Baptisms aside, it was a very beautiful and moving service.

Here's some pictures from it.

Why is this a good idea?

So, as promised this is the new blog.

Firstly, on the running. I'm getting started on a general get used to running schedule (I technically don't need to start serious training till Late November, early December) and have worked out a few routes in my neighborhood that I'll be starting. Of course this would happen to coincide nicely with a heat wave hitting the area the next three days. C'est La Vie.

As to why the new blog and the name... I figure divinity school will lead me to this question with some frequency. Why am I Catholic? I don't know that there's an easy answer. I definitely have a theology grounding and I've had many dark nights of the soul, and several direct encounters with God. So I thought this would be a good title to throw out there conversations starters, things I talk about in class and insights from my studies. I know that in my own life I have asked that question many times with a sigh, but answered it proudly just as many times with reasons why I am a Catholic.

If any of the musings that I post here spark your interest, by all means please contact me. Y'all know how to get a hold of me.

Peace,
Brian