Why am I Catholic

Sermon 3/14

2011-03-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

So I preach and Preside at a Liturgy of the Word Service tomorrow at JST. Here's the Sermon I preached

Readings for the day can be found here.

I remember the first time that I met Mario. He’s a quiet and unassuming man, very pleasant and easy to talk to, and honestly, he’s not bad looking either. I met him at a Port Truck driver event. He and I were talking to each other and in the usual getting to know you manner of conversation we asked about each other’s families. I told him of the joys of being a new uncle, and he laughed, and of my engagement and at that time pending marriage and he smiled. I asked about his family and he talked about his wife whom he loved and his children, and the love and care he had for them was evident in his body language and how he spoke, but he couldn’t meet my eyes when he talked about them. His eldest daughter was 17 at that time, and was going off to college in the fall. She was going to UC East bay, which was nearby because she had gotten a full tuition scholarship. I congratulated him and he thanked me, but still wouldn’t look in my eyes. Then it came out that this same bright daughter had received a ¾ scholarship to UC Berkeley, but was unable to attend it because on the meager wage he was making as a driver at the Port of Oakland he wouldn’t be able to pay the remainder of her tuition.

You shall not with hold the wages of your day laborer.

I remember this past fall accompanying Isabella, a worker at the Castlewood Country club to speak at different religious services in the area as part of ICWJ’s, the organization that I work for, Labor in the Pulpit series. Because she had been locked out of her job for, at that point 7 months, now 13, she had been unable to purchase a robe for her daughter’s high school graduation. She couldn’t hold back the tears as she told a packed congregation about how ashamed she felt, and how it had been her fellow workers who came up with the money so that her daughter would walk with her classmates. And as the months of lock out dragged on, and her husband had gotten sick, she was worried about making rent and keeping food on the table. When she was done, I hugged her and told her she’d done a good job, and thanked her for her courage.

You shall not stand idly by while your neighbor’s life is at stake.

I remember Joshua, a child in Southwest Baltimore whom I met through my tutoring and mentoring volunteer program at Loyola College. He was six or seven when I met him. And despite the fact that he lived in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Baltimore, and was being raised by his grandmother he was almost always cheerful. He had an adorable ear to ear grin. Then one day I noticed something was off about him. He spent the day sitting in the corner by himself and wasn’t interacting with any of the staff, just sitting there quietly. So I went over and I asked him what was going on, and then he told me that that past weekend he’d watched someone get shot to death outside his front window.

You shall Love your neighbor as yourself.

This past fall, at a fundraiser for the organization I work for, I saw Mario again. I was walking around carrying a basket of envelopes for people to pledge money to our organization. I chatted briefly with him and he took an envelope from my basket, filled it out and handed it back to me. Now it was I who couldn’t meet his eyes.

Lord when did we feed you?

Earlier this winter, I attended a gathering of clergy in the Pleasanton area about the lockout of the Castlewood Country Club. Francesca and a few other workers from the club were there. The clergy though, didn’t believe that the workers wanted a union, they kept asking them what they really wanted. They weren’t willing to take a stand and come out and join them on the picket lines. One Minister even said he wouldn’t be able to sign a pledge saying he wouldn’t preside at weddings at the club because his parishioners sometimes get married there and he needed to minister to them as well. When it was done, as I choked back my rage and frustration, Isabella came up, hugged me, told me I’d done a good job and thanked me for my conviction.

Lord, when did we give you drink?

My final semester of undergrad was one of intense extremes. I was going to make a difference in the world. Like Ignatius of Loyola I was going to do great and glorious things for God, but I had no idea what those great and glorious things were. In typical bout of early 20 something self-importance and anxiety I was a little bit freaked out about what to do after I graduated. I still continued to go to the after school program, in large part because it grounded me and provided some much needed context. Joshua must have sensed something was up because he went to the corner again and spent all day there, and about 5 minutes before the after school program ended, he came up and gave me a big hug, and a rather cute drawing and said “here take this. I want you to have it.”

Lord, when did we see you?

The Key to the Reign of God can be found in the question the righteous ask of Jesus, when did we see you? The Reign of God turns things on their heads and flips them around. When it arrives we see, the person in front of us as God and we feed them, spiritually, corporally, emotionally. We can’t help it.

In this season of Lent we’re invited by todays Gospel to start looking around us. We need to start seeing, Christ in the person in front of us, God in the person on the bus, because, Brothers and sisters, whether we want to admit it or not, we are all in this together. Our liberation and our salvation are intrinsically bound up in each other’s. When we serve, we are also being served, when we console we too receive consolation and when we feed, we too are being fed.

When we look at Mario and see Jesus, when we look at Isabella and see God we love, deeply, passionately and with all of our being. Because I fell in love with both of them I walk the lines at the Port of Oakland, and I work security at rallies at the Castlewood country club. Because I saw God in them I couldn’t stand by while their lives were on the line, I couldn’t refrain from feeding them and in the process being fed more fully than I can express.

It’s Lent, as we move towards the resurrection, can we dare to see, not with our eyes but with our hearts Christ in the man begging for spare change, Jesus in the woman with the screaming toddler on the BART train. Can we dare to see? Can we afford not to?

Sick but back

2011-02-25T14:42:00.000-08:00

And then I caught whatever Biblical Plague God saw fit to smite the Graduate Theological Union with. I'll be back to posting sermons next week. This week if I get lucky and caught up with all my reading that I'm not behind on.

Temporary Hiatus

2011-02-03T22:04:00.001-08:00

So I skipped last week since my laptop decided it was time to shove off this mortal coil. C'est La Vie. We had a good run lad.

I'll be back with more regular musings starting this coming week.

One Damn Big Lie

2011-01-26T20:09:00.001-08:00

So I forgot to post this because the past week and this one have been hectic. C'est La Vie.

Readings are here.

There is a big damn lie being told.

It’s a lie that has haunted this nation since it’s founding. It’s a lie, that frankly flies in the face of reason, good sense and even the constitution itself.

It denies what we believe to be at the very heart of Catholicism and the abundant grace and love of Jesus who died for each and every single one of us, no exceptions.

That lie is that some people are worth more than others.

It’s been around so long that Montesquieu (French Political commentator) once said: "It is impossible for us to suppose these creatures [enslaved Africans] to be men; because allowing them to be men, a suspicion would follow that we ourselves are not Christians." He made that remark in 1748.

This is the lie that the Civil Rights movement confronted in the 1960’s. This is the lie that the Abolitionist movements confronted in the 1860’s. This is the lie that is at the heart of so much of the vitriolic sound bytes that are at the heart of the immigration debate. This is the lie that leads us to deny civil unions to same sex couples. It is this lie that lets us think it is okay to paint targets on people’s heads. It is this lie that lets us ignore the civilian casualties in the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

My brothers and sisters it is one big damn lie. If we want to truly call ourselves Catholic, we have no choice but to confront this lie.

Isaiah again speaks of the Light of God this week. Darkness is dispelled. The light of truth shines forth and the lie is exposed for what it is. A big damn lie.

This lie is at the heart of the controversy that rocked the Corinthian Church. It’s this lie that got Paul so worked up that he wrote to them telling them about the need to be of one mind and one purpose and devoid of petty rivalries. To Paul’s mind it shouldn’t matter who converted you to Christianity because no one person is worth less than any other. As he so eloquently says “Was Paul crucified for you?”

Jesus died to redeem the sins of EVERYONE no exceptions.

He tells us today that we should repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Brothers and sisters I tell you today the Kingdom of Heaven is not at hand. The Kingdom of Heaven has already arrived. Jesus lived, preached, bore witness to the truth was crucified, buried and rose. We pray this each and every week in the creed. Jesus was the kingdom made manifest. His witness is proof that it has already arrived. Paradoxically it is constantly arriving because Jesus is not fully with us now, yet each week in the Eucharist we encounter him.

His death and resurrection belong to no one individual person. No one nation has a monopoly on it so NO ONE is worth more than another person.

Each person is created in the image and likeness of God. They have an identity, they have a story and are loved and love people. That image of God can not be diminished by hate. You can not silence love with a lie.

Yet people will try.

People are afraid.

Darkness is still here.

Jesus is the light of truth and this light shone out in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it.

We must all bear witness to that light.

When we hear people talk in hushed whispers about “those people” who are stealing our jobs. When they talk about them in vague generalities and in sound bites that belittle the dignity of our immigrant brothers and sisters we MUST bear witness to the light and confront the lie that some people are worth more than others.

When we hear people talk about how the health care law must be repealed because it provides coverage to people without jobs or those with preexisting conditions we must confront the lie the darkness spreads that some people are worth more than others.

When people talk about the degradation of marriage that will happen if we allow civil unions to be extended to our homosexual brothers and sisters, we must ask them how? We must always confront the lie that some people are worth more than others.

If we don’t…. then the light is extinguished a little bit. The lie grows a little stronger and the truth a little weaker. And I will not live in that world. I refuse to. I refuse to live in a world that devalues the inherent dignity that each and every one of us has.

I will not live in a world that views children as disposable as soon as they are born.

I will not live in a world where our immigrant brothers and sisters are viewed with suspicion and held to be worth less than others in our society simply because they crossed a damn imaginary line in the sand.

I will not live in a world where it is okay for politicians who are thrice divorced or unmarried to talk about the sanctity of marriage and why extending civil benefits of marriage to same sex partners somehow cheapens their marriage.

I will not live in a world where some people are worth more than others. Because that world is incompatible with the Gospel that Jesus preached. It is incompatible with the way he lived. It is incompatible with real discipleship.

We are all children of God. We are all equal in Her eyes. He loves each and every single one of us the same. No exceptions.

May the light shine forth. May truth and Justice never be silenced. And may we always remember that we are all loved by the God who made and shaped each of us in our mothers wombs, no exceptions. May that love embolden us to be courageous in the face of that lie. Because it is one damn big lie.

Hold it High

2011-01-16T17:26:00.000-08:00

Apologies to Josh Ritter for probably mangling the lyrics. I quoted from memory.

The readings for today can be found here.

The Psalm for today gives us the Refrain, here I am Lord, I come to do your will.

It’s a funny phrase, “God’s Will.” So often though it leads to the question, what is God’s will?

Is it God’s will that a madman should shoot six people to death, in Arizona, including a nine year old girl, and critically injure dozens’ more? Is it God’s will that the funeral be turned into a political grandstanding event, and that we as a nation ignore the hard questions that this should raise about the prevalence of violence in our society, our ready access to weapons designed to kill people and our continued dissent into vitriolic sound bites in political discourse instead of tough meaningful questions?

Is it God’s will that children should get sick or die? Is it God’s will that parents should be forced to watch as their own children, who should by rights out live them, who should be visiting them in hospital rooms while they lie their on beds with IV’s and pain medications running into them. Is this God’s will?

Is it God’s will that workers at the Castlewood Country Club should commemorate this January eleven months of being locked out of their jobs. Is it the will of God that they should have to continue picketing, and working whatever odd jobs they can find in this economy while the management lives comfortably, while the neighbors surrounding the country club spit at them and hurl insults as they drive by while they are protesting and demanding Justice? Is this God’s will?

The Psalm goes on to tell us that He desires neither Holocosts nor offerings. She delights rather in Justice.

Isaiah speaks of the light that will reach to the ends of the earth, the one who will make God’s salvation known and available to all people, to the very ends of the earth. God lifts up her servant not just for Israel. Salvation is not meant just for America. He belongs not merely to Democrats, nor can Republicans claim sole ownership of the Light. It is “too little” Isaiah tells us for it to belong to one person. The light is too strong and can not be hidden, it can not be held by one person. Rather belongs to all people, to all nations.

It’s interesting that the Gospel today comes to us from John. We’re supposed to be in the cycle of Matthew. Yet it fits. Today John tells us of the spirit of God has descended on Jesus and that John the Baptist recognizes Jesus as the messiah, the servant of whom Isaiah speaks. It also makes me think of that beautiful prologue to John’s Gospel where John the Evangelist tells us that “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Jesus is that light.

There is a lot of darkness in the world. It’s easy to become overwhelmed in the face of it. It’s entirely too easy to give into despair and to shut yourself down and, honestly, I can’t blame you. If we look at it, all at once, it’s scary that darkness. It’s everywhere, it’s all encompassing. Incident after incident extinguishes the light, it makes it harder to have faith, it makes it easier to despair and easier to turn away from our fellow human beings and to lock ourselves up in the safety of our homes.

Yet the darkness isn’t that all encompassing. There’s a wonderful quote by Landrum Leavell “Have you ever thought that light is aggressive? It is. When you open a curtain in a lighted room light spills out to the outside darkness, the light spills out – darkness doesn’t spill in. The light pushes back the darkness.”

Too often we harden our hearts when we should forgive, too often we forget our capacity for change and elicit the worst in us and in those around us. Too often, we forget that light is aggressive. We forget that a light shines out in the darkness and the darkness does not over come it. Too often we forget that the crucifixion is not the final word.

I can understand why it would be. Taken all at once the locked out workers, friends or family members whose children are stricken with disease and the senseless killings of innocent people are too much. When we look at it on our own it overwhelms us and we feel tiny compared too all of that dark. It can swallow us up we think, who am I to do something about this. Who am I?

Well the good news is we’re not in it alone. We don’t have to push back the darkness on our own because we have help. Josh Ritter, one of the best and most underrated song writers of our time has a beautiful song on his newest Album So Runs the World Away called “Lantern”

It’s a hungry world out there, even the wind will take a bite he tells us. And he’s right. The world can be dark and scary and cold, but we’re not alone in this world, we’re God’s children and we will not be abandoned. And the beauty of it is, if we remember that, and the power of that, then we don’t have to be scared of the darkness. We’ll remember the Light that Jesus brought.

The song ends with a call and response, where looking at the world and all the despair, all of the cold and the dark that abides in it, he says “Hold it high for me” and brothers and sisters we should. We should hold that light as high as we can for each other, because we are all in this together. And damn if I don’t need that light held high so bad sometimes.

When I walk that picket line with the Castlewood workers and hear the surburbanites tearing by in their SUV’s yelling insults at them telling them to go back to work I need you to hold it high for me.

When I think of the parents of that nine year old girl in Arizona I need you to hold it high.

And brothers and sisters I will hold it high for you too. I’ll hold it high for you when you can’t believe in the goodness and beauty in this world. I’ll hold it high for you when your path is lost and you don’t know where to turn for comfort or shelter.

Because a light shines out in the darkness and the darkness does not, can not and will not overcome it. Ever.

It’s alright to be sad, it’s okay to despair. But those are never, ever the final word. Death does not win. Darkness doesn’t ever completely consume us. Because that light is held high. So hold it high brothers and sisters. Because you never know when someone else is going to need it, you never know when that kind word, that gentle touch that listening ear is going to make all the difference to someone. So hold it high. You never know who’s looking for that light in the darkness to welcome them home. It might be me. It might be your best friend, or it just might be Christ in the strangers guise.

2011-01-09T19:26:00.000-08:00

The readings are here.

You can’t give what you don’t have yourself. It makes perfect sense if you think about it, if you don’t have an apple pie, you can’t very well give one away now can you?

It’s hard to give something that you don’t have. Today the readings tell us that Jesus has the Lord’s favor, and that God is well pleased with him. He is beloved and God’s favor rests upon him.

Isaiah speaks of this servant, with whom He is well pleased, on whom Her favor rests. And yet, this servant acts in quite a peculiar way.

He does not raise his voice. Nor does he shout in the streets. He seems to be rather calm and collected. He is patient. He will not do anything until the Lord’s justice is established.

Peter tells us in the second reading of how Jesus was anointed with the Holy Spirit. He speaks rather boldly and eloquently. By all accounts from the Gospels Peter was pretty dumb. In fact, he comes of as something of a jerk at times. He’s overzealous asking Jesus to wash his arms and head as well as his feet, he jumps into the water to walk on it, He dives into the water to swim to Jesus… quite frequently Peter just doesn’t get it, at all.

In the book Lamb by Christopher Moore, I quite enjoy how he hammers this point home. Jesus has started preaching to his disciples, and he is accompanied by his best friend from childhood Biff. He starts by telling the disciples that the Kingdom of God is like a wedding banquet. He’s greeted by a sea of blank faces and non comprehension.

He looks at Biff who shrugs and motions at him to keep going and try another metaphor. Three hours later, his voice hoarse and having gone through a mustard seed, a shepherd and an old woman rejoicing over her lost coin they still don’t get it. He wanders away for some quite time accompanied by Biff.

He leans up against a tree and looks at Biff, and says “Wow are they dumb.”

Biff can’t help but agree that, yes, in fact Peter and the rest of the disciples aren’t blessed with an over abundance of intelligence.

Mary Magdalene is with them and she rebukes the two of them.

Yes, they’re not exceptionally bright, but they have a strong faith in him she tells them. She recounts the many demons she’s seen Peter cast out of people. She tells them of all the people that Peter has healed in his name. So he’s not that bright, but he believes that he can do these things because Jesus has told him that he can, and that’s enough for him.

Brothers and sisters you can’t give what you don’t have.

Jesus went to the Jordan, hanging out amongst the sinners assembled there waiting for Baptism. John gets a bit shirty with him asking him why he’s there when John should be getting baptized by him.

We find that Jesus has God’s unconditional Love and acceptance. We find that Jesus has God’s favor. And we find that Jesus is choosing to start his ministry there, on Jordan’s bank surrounded by sinners.

It’s because Jesus has these things that he can give them to us. We can trust in Jesus when he tells us that we’re beloved by God because we know for certain that he is. We can trust in Jesus when he tells us that we have what we need because we know that he has God’s favor. We can trust these things because we clearly see that they’re a part of Jesus and his promise of salvation.

We can believe in the Kingdom of God that Isaiah speaks of and calls us towards. We can feel empowered to free the imprisoned. We can trust that we can bring light to those in darkness, and trust that Jesus is with us.

Jesus’ baptism is the beginning of his ministry, which was one of proclaiming the Kingdom of God and healing the sick. We can trust that those are the ones whom God favors because Her Son, with whom He is well pleased, comes to them. Jesus chooses them as his own.

Jesus is able to love as he does because he knows God’s love for him is that great. It lets him pass it on towards us.

Imagine what we could do if we were that secure? We might not be afraid to hang out with sinners. We might be a little less scared of those things that divide us. We might be a bit less quick to judge. We might even be able to pass it on.

Vacation

2011-01-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

So even preachers take vacation.

As such I took last week off. Largely because I've been traveling visiting family.

I'll post another sermon for this coming Sunday.

Hope Dies Last

2010-12-25T12:12:00.001-08:00

Apologies to Studs Terkel for the title.

The readings can be found here.

The people who walked in Darkness have seen a great light, the prophet Isaiah tells us.

Jesus is the light of the world, who comes to make our darkness bright. He is Emmanuel, God with us. He is the hope of so many people. He is the one whom we have been waiting and preparing this entire Advent. He is the light of the world.

In those days, they needed light. In Isaiah’s day, depending on which biblical scholars you believe, Isaiah wrote before during or after the exile. It was a dark period of Israeli history, when the northern Kingdom had been conquered and Judah, the southern Kingdom was all that remained. The people were afraid and in need of light.

In the days of Caesar Augustus, a decree went out to all people, come be counted and taxed. It was the end of a generation of civil wars that ravaged many parts of the empire. Augustus, had finally brought peace, by annihilating all his competitors. Israeli, was again an occupied territory. People were afraid, who knew when civil war might break out again and their lives would be turned upside down. Who knew when the stomp of roman soldiers boots would be coming. The people were afraid and in need of light.

Today, times are tough. The most pessimistic estimate I’ve heard for full economic recovery and the restoration of all the jobs that have been lost in the “economic downturn” is twenty years. The most optimistic is ten. Our nation seems to be divided over the best way to get us back on track, and we are suspicious of the motives of those who disagree with us, politics has become rancorous and bitter, we suspect those who look different from us and are afraid. We’re afraid that there isn’t enough to go around, we’re afraid if we give up even the tiniest bit of what we’ve managed to carve out we’ll lose it all. People are terrified and we are in desperate need of light.

In proof of that old adage, the more things change, the more they stay the same. We all could use a little light. In many ways’ we’re still waiting for the messiah. We’re waiting for someone to come and wave a magic wand and make everything better. We keep looking for that quick fix that will solve everything and make it all peaceful and better.

Two millennia ago, a woman gave birth to a baby boy, wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manager. The ox and the lamb looked on. His father smiled proudly, his mother held him tightly, and shepherds and wise men came to do him homage. A mother rocked her baby to sleep. Two thousand years ago.

Studs Terkel, one of America’s greatest Oral historians wrote his last book which was published, if memory serves me correctly in 2004. In my opinion it was his greatest work and I’m happy he completed it before he died. It was called simply Hope Dies Last. He collected stories, simple stories, from people who were activists. He collected stories from labor organizers, from AIDS/HIV rights activists and researchers. He collected stories simple stories from ordinary peoples lives. From great and recognized names, to people who would not otherwise be remembered, and he called it Hope Dies Last.
Christians are called to be a hopeful people. Not for some pie in the sky heaven light years away but for the Kingdom of God here and now because two thousand years ago a woman named Mary gave birth and held that little boy with deep love in her heart. Shepherds knew for sure that that boy was something special, and Joseph knew it too. God chose to become one of us.

The most powerful fact of the incarnation, the one that should give us pause and make us take notice is this: God CHOSE to become one of us. This has always moved me deeply, God could have brought salvation to Her people in any innumerable ways. And yet, God became a baby. God chose to share our joys, God chose to take part in our fears, Jesus walked, learned to talk, stubbed his toe and cried like each and every single one of us has. His mother held him through those tears at times, and at times, he had to hold himself. Brothers and sisters Jesus wept, the bible tells us so quite plainly. Jesus knew how desperate things were because he was one of us and chose to be one of us. Jesus did NOT just wave his hands and poof make everything magically all better. Jesus rolled up his sleeves and got dirty. Jesus preached, Jesus laughed and loved and yes, at times Jesus wept.

Jesus came to show us the way to God. He showed us that we can have hope, that’s the beauty of the Christmas season, it has the power to bring us together. During World War I the power of the incarnation and Christmas was enough to bring together two armies who shared gifts and chocolates with each other. As those English and German troops met in No Mans land they recognized that they weren’t all that different from each other, and when Christmas day was over, they refused to go back to war and shoot on their brothers over in the other trenches. We are all in this together. God chooses to be with us. Brothers and Sisters Hope truly does die last.

Jesus showed us that we can have hope in our brothers and sisters. He came to show us that it is possible to let go and to trust, to trust in each other and to trust in God. He sent out disciples, who in his name preached, they exorcised demons and they healed people of their hurts. We can let go of that little bit and share it and not be afraid. We can trust each other, because God chose to become one of us, we don’t always have to be afraid. Two thousand years ago on that Christmas night God came to tell us how beautiful things could be if we would just love God and love each other. It’s a simple message really, when you thing about it, its radically simple.

We are all in this together. That’s what God is trying to tell us today and each and everyday in the mystery of the incarnation. And you know what? God is with us too. We truly are not alone every, for God became one of us and shared our joys, mourned our losses and knows, TRULY knows what each and every single one of us has been through because He went through it too.

Hope truly does die last.

And yet, if we let it die, how cold and cruel the world becomes, when we close off and shut down and simply focus on those things which divide us… the world becomes so much scarier.

Two thousand years ago a child was born. He was laid in a manger in swaddling clothes. His mother held him tightly, his father looked on proudly. He came to let us know that we are not alone. He came to let us know we are all in this together, and that we can have hope.

Emmanuel, God is with us

2010-12-19T11:38:00.000-08:00

The readings for this one are here.

And his name shall be Emmanuel, which means “God with us”

Today the scriptures tell us that God is with us always, when we least expect it, when we don’t think we’ll see Him, suddenly there God is.

It’s often hard to see in the middle of discouragement, when we’re floundering, when life seems too much to bear that we are not alone. Lord knows I’ve been there myself grasping at straws trying to hold the strands of quickly dwindling sanity together as a job is lost, or an eviction notice comes. When a lockout drags on for another month, when the mid term elections means another year of hardship for truck drivers whom I’ve come to care for and love since the new congress won’t touch the bill we wrote…

It’s easy to forget that God is with us. It’s easy to write the incarnation off as something that took place two millennia ago, when things were simpler when troubles weren’t as many, it’s easier to believe at times that God can act in such a world, far away and distant from our own. It’s easier at times to believe that God is with those people from Biblical times…

Ahaz was the King of Judah, the southern part of Israel, and honestly the whole world was crumbling down around him. He had Egypt pressing on him to the right, the Persians and Assyrians to the left. Popular opinion was that Judah should probably bend over and kiss their rear ends good bye. And there’s Ahaz trying to hold things together, and in walks the prophet Isaiah who tells him God will give him a sign. Emmanuel, God is with us.

Then there’s Joseph. He was just a humble carpenter, and a righteous Jew. From what we Christians know of Judaism at the time, that term means that Joseph was seen as loved by God, he was one who kept all of the commandments required. He was one who put a lot of effort into keeping his relationship “right” and took great pains to be fair to those around him. In modern terms, it means he was a good man. The kind of man you look up to and admire. The kind of person you get coffee with or drink a beer with because at some deep level you find yourself nourished by those interactions.

And this guy finds out that the woman he’s about to marry is pregnant, and he knows for certain that that baby isn’t his. But because he is a good man he’s going to do the right thing, and not make Mary’s state public, since that would result in her possibly being stoned. And yet, God is with him. Joseph can take Mary as his wife without worry because God is with them.

Yesterday, I was privileged to accompany the workers from the Castlewood Country Club on an advent Posada. We marched, in the rain, from one course all the way up to the main country clubhouse.

These workers have been locked out of their jobs by a management that is more concerned with lining their own pockets, and getting rid of the union than in upholding the values of love and charity that Jesus taught us while alive. For the past ten months, these workers have been denied the ability to work at jobs that are theirs. They’ve been forced to get second jobs, and in this economy, not well paying ones at that. They’ve been spit on, disrespected and insulted by the successive proposals that the management calls “contracts” in the past nine months.

And yet, these workers had hope. We marched joyfully up the hill in the rain. We sang Christmas carols, when residents complained that they were being inconvenienced by having to drive around our small band walking up the hill, the workers smiled, took their abuse and wished their hecklers Peace, Good will and merry Christmas. Truly, these workers understand the Christmas spirit, truly, they are more Christian than those same hecklers who attend some of the churches in the area.

When they reached the gates of the club house, they sang the traditional posadas song, and asked the management to give them the shelter of a good job, a fair contract and an end to the lockout. All reasonable demands, and all of which were ignored.

It was cold, and wet and rainy. And it would be so easy to get discouraged. And yet these workers had hope. They were aware, more keenly than even I am, that God is with them. They know that the true power of this season is God’s constant decision to be with each of us. Emmanuel, God is with us.

When we finally acknowledged that we were not going to be received at the country club we marched back down the hill. We marched in the rain. Spirits were still high among the workers, Silent night and Joy to the World were sung. Other more popular songs such as Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red nose reindeer were belted out at the top of their lungs.

They knew that God was with them.

When we reached the bottom of the hill a representative from the United Food Workers union was on hand. They had filled one entire car with toys, and had half of another one full as well, the union representative said that his union had pulled together enough money to buy toys for the workers, so that their children would still have presents to open at Christmas. I welled up with tears. Unions are so often accused of being anti Christian, of being anti-american. And yet, here was a grown man, the union representative, obviously emotional as he thought of his own family in a similar plight, moved with empathy to come out here in the cold and the rain and to bring toys for these workers to give to their children.

God is with us.

In these and countless other moments, God is with us. Emmanuel. God is with us. The power of the incarnation and advent is that God chooses to be with us constantly, in our most vulnerable and with those whom good christen society would consider to be the least among us. The challenge then remains to us, to choose to be with God.

Emmanuel, God is with us. But will we choose to be with God.
I honestly didn’t want to go to the Posada. Yes, I’d had a good time writing the script, but I was stretched thin. I’d finished my last paper about an hour before turning in the script. I’d been running myself ragged the past few weeks, and this was one more responsibility. And on top of that, countless other people were bailing. My supervisor couldn’t make it because her child had just gotten sick. No one else from my agency was going to be there… and I’d volunteered to play guitar and sing the posada’s song with the workers.

In the end I went. Mainly out of obligation, but when I got there… God was with us.

We ended by singing festive songs in the parking lot. Cookies were eaten, songs of joy were sung and hot cider and cocoa were drunk. God was there. In the love these workers have for each other, God was there. In the love I have for them, God was there.

We can choose to be with God, or, as I’ve done many times, we can choose to turn our back on God or grudgingly show up. The beauty of it though? God doesn’t care. God constantly chooses to be with us. Emmanuel.

Brothers and Sisters, for every time we turn away, we can turn around and see God is still there. We still get a chance. We still have a little bit of Advent left, to recognize the love God holds for us, and to spread that love. Emmanuel God is always with us.

Advent week 3 Sermon

2010-12-12T01:03:00.000-08:00

So since it's the same week that three of my final papers are due you're getting more of a straight reflection on the readings. You can find them here.

Why do we wait?

It’s a good question. The only answer that I’ve come up with from the readings this week is that what we’re waiting for is worth waiting for.

Jesus tells John that the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear and the dead are raised. Sisters and brothers, that is the Kingdom of God, and the Kingdom of God is worth waiting for.

When it arrives in its fullness, as Isaiah tells us, the desert shall spring forth with life. Those who are weak will know take heart because the Lord is with them.

And yet, as we reflect, I keep coming back to that question why do we wait. Wouldn’t it be easier to give up? Wouldn’t it be easier to forsake the Kingdom? Wouldn’t it be easier to open all of the presents under the tree right now?

It probably would be. Yet, God looked on that same world. Times are tough today, truckers at the Port of Oakland are struggling to feed their families. Workers at the Castlewood country club will mark the tenth month of being locked out of their jobs on Christmas day, ironically enough. Yet, God looked down.

In times as uncertain as these, the Ancient Mediterrian was recovering from decades of War that ravaged many parts of the Roman empire. And yet, God looked down. People were struggling to feed their families. Yet, God looked down.

God looked down on that world and into that world sent the Word. Jesus became human, like us. He bore the uncertainty, he too, waited. He spent most quite a bit of his life waiting. He waited in Mary’s womb to be born, he waited thirty years to start his ministry, and he waited for forty days in the desert. He waited, because the Kingdom of God is worth waiting for.

Sermon # 1

2010-12-04T22:17:00.001-08:00

I call this one, Who are we waiting for? The readings for it can be found here.

Advent, as we all know well, is a time of waiting, and preparation and getting ready.

Catholics are actually really good at getting ready. The two longest parts of the church year are Advent and Lent. It’s a time of spiritual preparation and renewal. We, as a faith, actually do pretty well at this getting prepared thing. Sometimes, I think we fall a bit short on the celebration, but the preparation, we excel at.

However, as we examine today's readings, I can’t help but wonder who are we waiting for?

The easy answer, is Jesus, but let’s examine this further, who are we waiting for?

Isaiah speaks of the one who will strike the ruthless, and kill the wicked. This one will bring a new order in which the lamb will lie down with the lion, where the baby can put its hand into the cobra’s den. This is a world in which things, as we know them, are turned upside down. And as the Psalm for the day tells us, Justice shall flourish in his day and the fullness of peace shall last forever.

And he attracts people like John the Baptist, who as Matthew tells us wears camel’s hair clothing. He eats locusts and wild honey, and he preached the coming of God’s kingdom and the need for repentance. Where I come from, we have a word for people like that: crazy. If we’re being polite we call them wrapped to tight. And… this is the type of person who follows him; this is the type of person picked to announce his coming.

Who are we waiting for really? Who is this man who attracts crazy people like John the Baptist to him, who will strike the ruthless, kill the wicked who will turn our entire world upside down and in whose kingdom we will break bread with our enemies. Let me ask you, are you willing to break bread with Osama bin Laden, the migrant worker, your homosexual neighbor whom you’ve never really been comfortable with? Can you sit next to them at the table? Because when he comes, this is what will be required of us.

To often, we keep thinking we’re waiting for the baby Jesus. And brothers and sisters there’s a reason that we do. The baby is cute, and cuddly. Baby Jesus doesn’t talk back to us, doesn’t confront us and confound us. He doesn’t ask anything of us, how can he, because he’s a baby he doesn’t know how to do anything but be cute, and cry and eat. He’s God incarnate, but he’s still a baby. He’s still wrapped in swaddling clothes and in a manger, he still doesn’t confront us… our does he?

I think this is the beautifully powerful moment of the incarnation that we far too often over look and gloss over. This is the stark naked truth of the gospel that we ignore. When God became incarnate as a human baby, She knew exactly what He was doing. Because that baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes, adored by Shepard’s, and Angels and Magi alike is precisely who challenges us, confounds us, and will turn our world upside down and inside out. We just need to know how to listen and love like a mother and a father does. W e just need to be open to the coming of God’s kingdom and the message of promise that it holds

I remember the first time I held my nephew David. He was about six weeks old. I remember how tiny he was, how beautiful and I remember marveling in the miracle of new precious and vulnerable life that I held in my arms. And I felt love overwhelm me and burn me up from the inside. Love that was so amazing in its intensity that I couldn’t hold it in and I saw…

I saw our world as it is. I saw all the structures of sin and oppression that I knew from my two years of organizing in Chicago, and my exposure to working here in the Bay area with workers being abused by their mangers. I saw how cruel we can be to our fellow human beings. I saw the greed and corruption that run rampant. I saw the structural racism and classicism that prevent people from realizing their full potential. I remembered the children from Southwest Baltimore that I tutored and mentored as an undergraduate student at Loyola College. I remember the rage that burned within me then and was rekindled as I held my nephew at what kind of world they had to live in.

I raged at a world where children are viewed as disposable by a society that values money more than life. I raged at our society that has no problems giving tax breaks to the super wealthy but where children in Southwest Baltimore aren’t able to take their history textbooks home with them at the end of class to study from because the school system doesn’t have enough money to provide each child with their own individual text book. I raged and I wept at how far we are from the Kingdom that Isaiah preached, that John the Baptist preached and that Jesus preached as he proclaimed the love of God for us and the one that he lived out in his ministry.
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Brothers and Sisters He will save us. That little baby in that manger, the man that he became, and however he chooses to return. And the beautiful thing is, he already has. For when I held my nephew David all I wanted to do was hit the reset button on the world. I wanted to wipe away all of the ugliness and greed and corruption. I didn’t want my nephew to grow up in that kind of world, where he and any other baby aren’t guaranteed the chance to be fully who they are, to thrive and live and experience the beauty that this world has to offer them. There’s power there. The power of a love so thick and so fierce that it overwhelms, confounds, confronts and challenges us. A love so intense that it led to a death on the cross for each and everyone of us and for everyone to come.

He will save us, because as we look at that baby in the manger, as we recognize how great that love for us was to become that baby, how can we not love back? How can we not love him and every other child we see, how can we not love the person sitting next to us when we recognize the depth of Jesus’ love for them and for ourselves? How can we not want to turn this world upside down and inside out for them? How can we not want to help create the type of world where the lamb lies down with the lion and the babe can place it’s hand into the cobra’s den?

Brothers and sisters, he will save us. How can we not turn our backs on and confront the evils we see in this world that make it unsafe for that baby in the manger. That’s the power of the incarnation; he will save us, even from ourselves.

Side Project

2010-12-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

So because I don't obviously don't have enough to do with school and work and my ministry placement... I decided to come up with a self appointed project. A workshop of my own if you will.

Advent's the start of the church year. I thought that with the start of the new church year I'd under take a new year's resolution. I'm going to endeavor to write a sermon each week. And post it up here every Sunday.

This is in part because I've realized I'm not going to be allowed to preach at school anytime soon. This is for a variety of reasons, but largely because the administrators are how shall we say, a bit afraid of backlash from the bishop for liturgical inconsistencies. Despite the fact that Canon law acknowledges the ability of all Catholics to preach, however, I will allow that it reserves the homily as the exclusive right of a priest or deacon. So I will write sermons. The difference might be semantic, but I'll leave that up to you all to decide.

Consider this a new years resolution to write a sermon for each week. The first few probably will be more reflections on the readings, especially considering that it's finals time, but sooner or later I'll get around to doing full fledged sermons.

We'll see how it goes.

Advent

2010-11-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

Advent is one of my favorite times of the liturgical year. Or honestly, the year for that matter.

While on the one hand my new local galls me a bit in that it's not really advent weather wise, no snow, it has at least gotten chilly the past few days, which has helped put me in the advent mood so to speak.

So with that in mind I thought I'd share this link.

Take the two minutes to watch the video and then if you want some musings feel free to come back here, I'll wait.

Advent is a time of waiting. We wait for warmer weather, we wait for the big Christmas meal with our family and we wait, for Jesus to come. Yet paradoxically he's already here. We find Jesus everyday if we know where and how to look, and that's the power of the incarnation and this Advent Conspiracy and the beliefs and convictions that motivate it. Jesus is real, Jesus is here, and Jesus is among us even now in those places where we least expect it.

This year, as we wait for Jesus, think about our connection with each other, not just our friends and family for whom we struggle to find the perfect gift, but also Jesus, who is found in our neighbor. What are you going to give him? It'd be nice if as a nation we could pull together and collectively give Jesus a nice big gift, but call me cynical if I don't hold my breath waiting for that to happen. So instead I'm going to try it on an individual level. Anyone who wants to try the journey with me is welcome. It's not an easy one, and it's okay to stumble, heck, Jesus tripped and fell three times on the way up Calvary. But the point of advent is getting ready, the point of advent is preparation for the incarnation and as such it's okay to screw up and get stressed out by the million and one things that you have to do. Just try not to stay there, and remember at the end of the day who are you really doing those things for.

Spend time with your families and friends and those that love you, and remember to look for Jesus everywhere. I guarantee you if you start looking, you'll find him. And then you'll find him again, and again. It gets easier each and every time to see Jesus in the person sitting in front of you, be it your best friend, or the man in the ragged coat begging for spare change. Remember why we wait, and remember the promise of the one we wait for. It's worth it.

Privilege

2010-10-18T09:57:00.001-07:00

I got the following link from Jason.

There are varying degrees of privilege in this world, but at it's root privilege is about not having to worry about day to day things.

I wrote recently about the Kingdom of God. It takes all of us to build it, I believe that deep in my heart. But the things on this list, the things that divide us, are what keep it from being fully realized. It takes acknowledgment of one's privilege to begin undoing it. It takes overturning our privilege and recognizing that we are all equally loved in the eyes of God to bring the Kingdom fully into this world.

So today, what don't you have to think about? And are you going to think about it anyway?

The Kingdom of God

2010-09-27T11:40:00.001-07:00

The Kingdom of God is a song by Josh Ritter. In his new album the second song “Change of Time” is the Kingdom of God. Don’t believe me? Listen to it. About two minutes into it, there’s this moment where the guitar swells, the keyboard breaks in and the back up singers chime in with ‘OOOOWHHOOOP.” You’re given the distinct impression of a ship’s siren summoning all hands to the deck. The Kingdom of God is EXACTLY that. It’s an all hands on deck moment. When the Kingdom of God has permanently arrived everyone will know exactly how best to praise God, nothing will divide us. Each one will love their sister and their brother, not because it’s expected or demanded of us, but simply because we are all God’s children.

Want to know a secret? The Kingdom of God is here. Right now, in this moment it is here. It’s hotel workers finally receiving their back wages after a five year struggle with the management, the Kingdom of God is here. It’s the smile of and laughter of a new born child, bringing smiles to the faces of everyone else in the room. The Kingdom of God is here. It’s the passage of nationalized healthcare legislation ensuring that people like myself who have preexisting conditions no longer have to worry about being denied coverage by insurance companies. The Kingdom of God is here. It is volunteers swarming to the mid west to plant sandbags as floodwaters rage. The Kingdom of God is here. It’s made manifest by seeing injustice and confronting it. It is made tangible in the act of loving our neighbor as ourselves. Everyone can and should take part in it. It’s an all hands on deck moment. Everyone is needed to help build the Kingdom.

Paradoxically, the Kingdom of God is not here. It is constantly being set back. It’s set back when the management of a country club locks out 60 plus employees and refuses to let them work simply because they belong to a union, forcing them and their families into poverty. It’s set back by people opposed to the healthcare legislation that abandoned civil discourse and hurled racial slurs at legislators working to pass it, dehumanizing them and reducing them to an “other.” It’s set back when we are blind to Jesus as the “other.” When we can not see Christ in the person in front of us asking for help, when we give into selfishness and greed and can not see past ourselves. The Kingdom of God is constantly being set back when we can not love our neighbor as ourselves and when we give into superficial divisions.

But Jesus died and rose. Death does not have the final word. The Kingdom of God is constantly here and constantly arriving. It is here, right now, in this moment. There’s a baby smiling somewhere. There is injustice being confronted, both large and small, there is love in this world. The Kingdom of God IS HERE! Come and hear the call. It is the all hands on deck moment. We all have a place in building the Kingdom. Can you hear it? It’s calling to you. And when we screw up and turn away, it’s constantly calling us back. Can you hear it? Sin and death do not have the final word. Love will triumph over hate, peace will reign and we will forsake violence. The Kingdom of God is coming. It’s here now. Can you hear it? Come and join it.

First Principle

2010-05-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

We are created to love, reverence and serve the Lord and by this means save our souls.
Ignatius of Loyola

So the capstone of my Ignatius and Luther course this semester was the creation of a video conversation between myself and Justin Baxter, a Lutheran. We had the realization during the filming of the project that it's a bit sad we didn't become friends earlier in the semester. C'est La Vie.

During the course of filming a response to contemporary issues that were supplied to us by people who were willing to be interviewed we came to a couple realizations, most of which made it on the film, some of which didn't.

The one that didn't from my end is that what makes me so Ignatian flavored (as we've been calling lay Jesuit students in this class) is the first principle and foundation of Ignatius of Loyola. That we are created to love, reverence and serve the Lord and by this means save our souls. Yes it's a bit of works righteousness, but given that Loyola was a Basque courtier for the first part of his life that influence is understandable. But this is the core of his entire spirituality. And it's so easily accessible to a lay person.

It's a spirituality for the long haul which easily lends itself to practical applications. Where I can serve Jesus and God, I ought to, and if I have gotten to know them intimately through the prayerful experience of the spiritual exercises, I not only will feel an obligation to them, more importantly I WILL WANT to do their will. If I've gone very deep into that relationship our wills will be intimately entwined so that I can not imagine doing something contrary to the will of God and it will pervade all of my relationships and every aspect of my daily life. I'll live in solidarity with those who are materially poor because that is what Jesus did when he was alive, and I know that among them I will encounter Christ.

Pure and simple, it's a practice that lends itself to action and reflection, and one that engages the world in which we live and works to bring the Kingdom of God to life. It's why I like it, it's what makes it appeal to me and why I'm studying theology with the Jesuits. I may not be entirely certain with what I'm going to do with my degree when I graduate in any practical sense, but for now, it is enough to know that I am here to love, reverence and serve the Lord. For now, that is enough.

Revolutionary's Prayer

2010-05-06T00:37:00.001-07:00

I jotted this down during preaching class tonight. We were talking about one of the forerunners of the civil rights movement and his claim that Christians should be at home with their backs to the wall...

May I always be at home God with my back against the wall.
For that is where you're found Lord, it's where your people are.
May I always know discomfort, may I wrestle with questions
and grant that I never lose my anger for the easy answers.

May I never be afraid to stand among the poor,
for that is who you came to when you sent your only son.
May my heart be broken open, time and time again,
when I see people chained in poverty struggle with their load.

My I never forget to love Lord, even when it seems too hard,
those who spit and curse at me, who'd have me forsake your word.
May I always laugh and celebrate the little victories in life.
May I always be at home Lord with my back against the wall.

Justice Isn't Just for us

2010-04-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

This is a Sermon I gave in my preaching class last night. The text that gave birth to it, if you're interested in getting the full context is Jonah 3:3-4:2

Brothers and sisters, Jonah knew God. In fact, if you’ll permit me to be bold, after all what is a first sermon for if not to be bold, I believe that there is no greater truth in the Old Testament than Jonah’s proclamation in chapter four verse two: “for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and ready to relent from punishing.” Brothers and sisters, Jonah knew God.

What’s more, Jonah understood something about God’s Justice. He knew that it wasn’t just for us. For the Ninevites, were Assyrians, not Israelites. Jonah was an Israelite. He was part of the chosen people, God gave them the covenant, not the Assyrians. These Assyrians were people who had carried the Israelites off in bondage before, and Jonah, an Israelite is sitting there watching God spare them. What’s more, Jonah knew that this was going to happen. He left his home, Israel, he left his friends, the Israelites behind to come to Nineveh. And now he’s sitting there outside Ninevah watching the city at the heart of the empire that had enslaved his people be let off the hook.

To put it in a more modern context, this would be like God sending you or I to Afghanistan. After leaving behind everyone we know and care about, not really sure if we’re going to make it back alive we are sent to proclaim to Al Qaeda or the Taliban that in 40 days God is going to smite them. Now a day into our prophesying we receive a phone call from God, since we all know the Lord’s cell phone plan has no roaming charges, and while grateful for the effort we’ve put into it, God has declared the whole smiting thing off. We’re expected to understand, because after all, God’s Justice, isn’t just for us.

And in fact, God’s justice is not just for us. A glance at our society can find any number of injustices running rampant. When due to deregulation of the Ports and trucking industries, truck drivers are kept in poverty by being classified as independent contractors making perhaps two hundred dollars a day, while the dispatching companies, which merely route them, are making much more and refuse to open their books. While drivers are facing rising fuel diesel costs, and expensive filters that are increasing our air quality while hitting them deep in their pocket books; the dispatching companies need a Jonah to remind them that God’s justice is not just for us.

When we as a nation abandoned civility, decency and mutual respect in political discourse during the recent health care debates, and people were going broke because they got sick. When those that proclaimed the loudest against healthcare swore that this was evil, that it was a sign that the end times are upon us and protesters resorted to racial slurs against members of Congress working to pass it, we as a nation need a Jonah to remind us that God’s Justice isn’t just for us.

And to hit even closer to home, when the officials in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church refuse to accept responsibility for their part in the recent sex abuse scandal and are blind to the loss of faith and their actions are causing and their shrinking credibility. When instead of apologizing and asking for forgiveness for their part in the psychological and spiritual damage that’s been caused, they choose to play the victims. Then they choose to blame others, first the media, and then homosexuals. The Catholic Church hierarchy is in dire need of a Jonah to remind us that God’s Justice isn’t just for us.

And yet in spite of all of these injustices we are called to be hopeful. To quote the modern day prophet Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it does bend towards justice.” We believe in a God of Justice. We believe in the God that Jonah knew. This is a God who does not destroy, rather this is a god of “steadfast love,” She “relents from punishment” He is “merciful and slow to anger.” This is a God whose justice is not retributive, rather it is restorative. This is the kind of Justice that leads to Jesus stretching out his arms and embracing all of us on the cross at Calvary. In the words of Jonah, God’s justice does not destroy us.

In fact, if you read carefully, you would notice that Jonah never proclaims destruction, he proclaimed simply that God would overturn Nineveh. And what an overturning they had. The whole city put on the sackcloth. The King sat in ashes and, brothers and sisters I’m sure you’d agree I can name any number of modern day kings I’d love to see don the sackcloth and ashes. Beasts of burden and the flocks of the field were muzzled so that they too could join in the fast and the out crying to God. As Jonah proclaimed, truly it came to pass that the city of Nineveh was turned upside down and on their heads so fast it makes mine spin just thinking about it.

This is what God’s justice does. It turns things completely upside down. This is the kind of Justice that raises up the plains and makes low the mountain tops. This is the kind of Justice that makes the first last and the last first. This Justice restores us to ourselves and brings us back to a right relationship with God and Jesus. God’s justice flips everything we think we know about the world and how things are supposed to be right on our heads.

God’s Justice leads to trucking dispatching companies being turned upside down and letting go of their greed. It leads to them opening their books to public inspection and to them hiring truck drivers who are brave enough to cry out for Justice as employees, not as independent contractors. It leads to them paying the truck drivers a living wage so that they care feed their families and send their children to college. It leads to them treating the truck drivers with respect and listening to their pleas, instead of intimidating them. It leads to employers who acknowledge that God’s justice isn’t just for us.

God’s Justice leads to our nation providing health care coverage to those that need it most, to the poor and the vulnerable whose side God has always been on. It leads to a restoration of civility and respect for the common humanity and the presence of Christ in the other person in political discourse. It leads to bipartisanship and working together with one another regardless of class or race. It leads to a nation that acknowledges that God’s justice isn’t just for us.

God’s Justice leads to a Catholic Church hierarchy that acknowledges its fault in the handling of so many pedophiliac priests. It leads to a public apology for the faith that has been abused, betrayed bruised and battered in recent years. It leads to them apologizing not only to the faithful, but to those priests who now have to live under the shadow of the sin of those who are very sick. It leads to a hierarchy that isn’t afraid to admit that it’s wrong and one that ordains and respects women as equals and co-laborers in the vineyard. It leads to a hierarchy that acknowledges that God’s justice isn’t just for us.

When we are willing to let go of what we think we know. When we are willing to be discomforted by the scandal of the cross and the accusation to God of a prophet who knew a thing or two about divine Justice, when we are willing to be turned upside down, round about and on our heads, then God’s justice will be made manifest. When we admit and know deep within us and are not afraid of the fact that God’s Justice is not just for us.

Discernment Made easy

2010-03-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Studying at a Jesuit Institutions (currently and in the past) and being around them for the past few years (doing a year in the Jesuit Volunteer corps and then working for the Jesuit volunteer corps) I've picked up a few bits and pieces of wisdom about how to do "Ignatian discernment."

Ideally, in a situation such as I am currently in of discerning where my ministry placement should be next year, you're discerning between two good options. On the one hand there's Sacred Heart Parish, which I visited last week and had a great chat with Father Karl, the pastor there. They're a small congregation with a lot of good things going on, an active senior population, a school right next door, and they're looking to grow in terms of lay leadership and getting involved in their local community. On the other hand there's Children's Hospital, where I'd be a Chaplain intern and get trained by a very wonderful woman who radiates compassion. Both are good choices.

What Ignatian discernment would have you do is to pay close attention to your feelings as you think about and imagine yourself doing one of the roles. Then after a pause, you'd switch and imagine yourself doing the other role again paying close attention to your feelings. Alternatively, or as part of the exercise you can create a list of the pro's and cons of each choice. Ignatius though recommended starting with the con's. This way you get them out of the way and your last impression of each choice isn't negative.

Ultimately, the goal is to prayerfully reflect and examine your feelings and attractions towards each. Hopefully, one of the imaginings made you feel more grounded and at peace. Peace is big in discernment, as it is where God abides.

Of course, occasionally God takes a more direct hand and makes discernment very easy. Like earlier yesterday when Sr. Bernice called and told me that while I am a very warm and caring young man and she'd love to have me that I don't speak a word of Spanish and all the other candidates do, so she wanted to let me know that unfortunately she won't be taking me. She did say she'd be in touch if one of the current candidates declined, however, I doubt that this is likely.

I do have one additional site visit planned, on Thursday of next week I'll be going to Alameda County's Juvenile detention center and visiting there to see what kind of ministry placements are available there. After that visit it's back to the discernment drawing board and determining whether or not I'll be the seminary intern at Juvenile Hall or Sacred Heart. All this is to say that discernment is a process, but it does help me pay attention to the subtle movements of the Spirit within some of the more mundane aspects of my life.

Unsophisticated Heart

2010-03-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

If my thoughts are hard to gather, if I don't know where to start, it ain't my mind that matters, for I have an unsophisticated heart. Joe Pug "Unsophisticated Heart"

America has universal health care. As President Obama stated, it's not a panacea for all that ails our health care system, but it is a step in the right direction. This is a historic moment, one that should show us as a nation united behind something that is morally right. As Catholics who care for the poor and the oppressed (despite what Glen Beck might say about "social justice" being synonymous with socialism) this is something that we should celebrate. As Catholics we acknowledge that the Kingdom isn't here, yet, but that we're working towards it, which is why this bill is something we can be proud of our country for. We should be proud that we are insuring those who lack the resources to pay for it themselves, if you look at who Jesus spent his time with in the Gospels, it certainly wasn't the rich.

That being said this could have been a brief shining moment of bipartisanship. It wasn't. Not one single Republican voted in favor of the bill. The instead resorted to lies and fearful rhetoric. They chose to lie about the bill and it's ability to provide federal funding for abortion, even after President Obama authorized an executive order expressly prohibiting it. I'm getting very angry with the religious right, not only in the Catholic Church, but all across this country with throwing abortion in our faces and cramming it down our throats as the epitome of evil and supporting politicians solely based on their position on this issue. Is abortion morally reprehensible? YES. However, the behavior of the politicians that so often we are encouraged to vote for simply because they oppose abortion with their lips but will do NOTHING to end it is even more reprehensible. Last night, not a single republican had the courage of their convictions to vote for this bill. I put it to them then,if they are so opposed to abortion, when are they going to propose a bill to make abortion illegal? None of them will because it will be political suicide.

In rules for Ignatian discernment we're called especially to pay attention to those areas where division happens, particularly rancorous and painful division. Division where the truth is bent beyond all recognition, where civility is abandoned and respect for our mutual humanity and our communion as children God is forgotten. We are called to recognize these places because it is precisely there where we will find the "evil spirit" which in Ignatian language is synonymous with the devil. I admit I'm not sure what I believe in full about the devil. But I do know for certain that he was laughing and smiling to himself at how quickly we as a nation abandoned the truth and resorted to fear, anger and name calling in the health care debates and forgot that we can work together to accomplish great things.

I don't understand how we could let things get that vitrolic, I don't understand how we could give into that much anger and hate, for that matter I don't understand hatred that intense as seemed to be motivating so many of those comments. Perhaps I have an unsophisticated heart.

It is by no means a great bill, but the loudest opposition to it has been based on a lie. It's a small step towards care for the disenfranchised. Last night, we accomplished something, and the devil took a drubbing.

Trappists

2010-03-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

Trappists monks make many things. In Europe they're especially famous for their cheeses and their beer. I got together with my friend MJ and we brewed a batch of beer together this weekend and it struck me that there is a meditative quality to brewing. It makes sense to me (aside from the fact that way back when the tradition started the only way that the monks were going to have any ale to drink was if they made it themselves since they were initially removed from society) that monks would brew beer. So much of the process involves waiting.

I wonder if God sees us like that? Each beer is different just as we are. At various times different things need to be added, but at the end of the day, the key ingredient is patience. You throw things into a boiling pot and wait. Then you have to wait for the temperature to drop enough for you to be able to pitch in the yeast. And then you wait again for fermentation to be complete.

Each of us is fermenting. Our various experiences and decisions have brought us to the point that we're at today. Some of those experiences may need a bit more time to ferment before their import is truly realized, but that's okay, because God is very patient.

Occasionally we make mistakes. In this batch, I dropped the rubber stopper (more commonly called a bung amongst home brewers) into the carboy (fermentation chamber) now I've dropped all manner of things into the carboy before, however, I've never dropped the bung in. Usually, it's wide enough to prevent it from falling in. The bung is integral in preventing oxygen and other contaminants into the beer during fermentation. Luckily, the bung itself was thoroughly sanitized so it wasn't contaminating the beer itself. Since it was late MJ and I slapped some plastic wrap on there to keep it from getting contaminated over night and bought a new one the next day. Sometimes, like in the case of Bungled Brown Ale, our mistakes can shape us and to an extent better define who we are and bring to light characteristics we have buried deep within us. I'm sure God looks at us sometimes and thinks, well I wouldn't have called that plan A, but hey, we'll work around it.

Ministry Placements and ordinary resurrections

2010-03-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

So on Wednesday of this past week I went and met with Sister Bernice at Children's Hospital in Oakland. I'm interested in being one of two chaplain interns that she takes on next year. Two other classmates in my cohort went with me. Sister Bernice was a bit frazzled when she met us because one of the children on the Oncology ward was dying and definitely going to pass that day. She'd gotten to know the family fairly well since they'd been there for a while and Wednesday she typically wasn't in before 9 and she showed up at 8 when they paged her to let her know what was happening.

It was a good reality check for what that particular placement would be like. While not everyday would be hectic, some of them will be. It was a good enough reality check that one of my classmates at the end of the tour just knew that she wouldn't be able to work there.

It didn't scare me away though. Honestly, I'm a bit surprised that I find myself drawn to Chaplaincy. I figured going into this that I wouldn't want to. At the Don Miller House I often unofficially fell into the house chaplain role. I thought that having had that experience I'd be interested in pursuing other placements. And yet when Sister Bernice spoke at the presentation for our class something stirred in me. It would be a chance to do it in an official capacity and to get trained by someone who really knows what they're doing.

I met with her one on one on Friday of this past week. She said that she still needs to meet with 3 other people who are interested in it as a placement, and allowed that nothing personal, but since I don't speak Spanish that would put me down near the bottom of the list. We'll see what happens.

On the knee developments I went and saw the physical therapist on Wednesday (it was a busy day) and she was cautiously optimistic about my chances of still being able to run the half marathon in April. She's a runner herself (a sprinter though not an endurance runner) who had runners knee (what IT Band syndrome is more commonly known as) and said that honestly it's not just running that is irritating it, every single step probably is. So she had me buy orthopedics for my shoes. I'm becoming an old man apparently. She also said after having me do some exercises and strength assessment that my butt isn't strong enough. Yep, that's right, apparently the gluteus muscles are the ones that help hold that band and the bones down there rigid when they need to and keeps the knee from bending inward... and thus getting irritated. So I have strengthening exercises I do a couple times a day for those. Also she thinks the inflammation never fully went away so she has me icing and elevating the knee several times a day. I'm supposed to go for a run on the 15th, just two miles. On a very flat surface. If that doesn't bother my knee than I can start running again, and take it easy and do runs on flat surfaces and my knee should be fine she said. If two miles irritates it then I shouldn't run the half in April. So that's something to look forward to, at least for now.

Wait for the Lord

2010-03-01T23:29:00.001-08:00

So the doctor said he didn't need to examine me since given the symptoms I described it would be a formality and said he sent in a referral to see a Physical therapist and if I call tomorrow I should be able to get an appointment. So now I get to wait until I get seen and talk with them.

It's frustrating situation for a lot of reasons. A big part of why I got into endurance running was wanting to overcome a sense of being bound by my body. For so many years there were so many things I wasn't allowed to do because of my ulcerative colitis and then recovery from the surgeries took out the ability to do contact sports... I've spent so much of my life living with limits imposed on me by them that this was supposed to be a chance to do something physical and feel accomplished about it... and now my body has another arbitrary physical limitation that it's imposing on me. To quote a running gag with my Mdiv cohort, I suppose this is an opportunity for me to be more humble.

There's also the sense that if the PT thinks my injury is severe enough I won't be running the Triathlon, which I've been looking forward to pretty much since the beginning of the school year. And lastly, running was my exercise. It was a way of staying balanced, it was fairly cheap in terms of exercise and honestly running had started to become a form of prayer... and now I can't do it.

I'm reminded of the taize chant "wait for the lord, whose day is near wait for the lord be strong take heart."

Lent is a period of waiting and preparation. We anticipate the resurrection. We prepare for it and look for it. If we're good at looking for it we notice it in little things through out our day.

I'm waiting. I'm waiting for my IT Band to heal. On the surface that's a crucifixion. And yeah, I've been a bit down since Sunday when I tried running again and it flared up making me realize that I wasn't as healed as I'd hoped to be. To be honest, I still am a little, but I've bounced back from worse. I will be strong, and I will take heart, because in the end this whole thing wasn't really supposed to be about me in the first place.

Just can't wait to get on the road again...

2010-02-28T20:23:00.000-08:00

I went for a run today, just two miles. I did it by myself, I've got two running buddies out here so usually one of them runs with me, but today I wanted to get out there on the road and do this by myself.

It could have gone better, I did just start doing low impact cardio again this past week so I lost a lot of cardio health in the sense that pre-injury I wouldn't have broken a sweat really till the end of the two miles. Finishing it wasn't as easy as it should have been but it wasn't as difficult as it was when I started training either.

Unfortunately my knee started bothering me one block from my house. I don't know what that means for plans to run the half again in April, it doesn't hurt but it's uncomfortable. SO now I get to talk with my coach and probably actively go schedule a doctors appointment instead of doing this over e-mail.

One foot in front of the other

2010-02-10T23:03:00.000-08:00

So I heard back from my doctor.

He thinks that the 10 weeks I have will be enough of a turn around time for my leg to recover enough to run my part of the half Ironman, which will be another half marathon.

He said these things can take a while to recover from but given the amount of time I have and what I'm currently doing (Ibuprofen, foam rolling and copious amounts of stretching) should be adequate. He did say to go easy on the running and build slowly, probably slower than I technically should according to the training program, but I mentally know now that I can do a half marathon so that's not as important.

So yeah, I'll be going to New Orleans in Mid April to compete in a half Ironman. My friend Susan who's coordinating this little endeavor convinced her father to swim. So he'll be the swimmer on my team, and a mutual friend of Susan's and myself is the biker, her name is MJ Supan. The three of us are currently trying to put our heads together for a team name. So far what we know for a fact we have in common is that we know Susan and that we all have an appreciation for beer.

So I pledged to raise 1,000 dollars for Contemplatives in Action. Since they're putting me up while I'm out there and covering the flights for all the triathletes I want to make good on that pledge. This is where you, and you know, your wealthy uncles/friends come in.

My first encounter with Contemplatives in Action came three years ago, one year after Katrina, when I was working for the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. I spent Holy week that year in New Orleans, sorting nails and gutting a house. It was a powerful experience for a lot of reasons, and I wrote to personal reflections about those experiences which I've shared with probably everyone who reads this. Contemplatives in Action provided housing. They facilitated evening prayer for our group (we were a bunch of former Jesuit Volunteers after all) and helped find places to take us. They do that for a lot of groups coming into New Orleans. They also run a house of hospitality, much like a Catholic Worker house and also provide days of retreat and reflection for workers in they city. It's a great place. Check out the link and see some of their programs. Also, if you click on the Team Enduring Hope Link you'll see a bunch of the people who are on this journey with me. They're a fun bunch of people.

I want to be in that number

2010-02-09T23:14:00.001-08:00

I ran, well, let me rephrase that, I finished a half marathon this past Sunday.

The weather was good, sunny and not too hot, or cold. There was even a pleasant breeze to cool off the runners as we took in the scenic views of the Pacific Ocean. Of course by that point I was walking/limping.

I'd mentioned my IT band troubles in an earlier post. So after returning to campus I took it easy, did shorter runs, and invested in a foam roller to try and get the knots out. I thought I'd succeeded. I found out about halfway through mile three that really I hadn't. By the time I hit mile 4 I made peace with the fact I was going to be walking the rest of the way. I got examined by a Doctor that Kaiser (Kaiser was the main sponsor) had at the Sports medicine table. Apparently I hadn't been taking enough Ibuprofen or giving myself enough recovery time. What this means for my plans to run in the half Iron man in NOLA as part of a relay team I haven't quite figured out yet. I've got a call out to my Phycisian and am awaiting a response.

That brings me to the main point of this post though, New Orleans. It was a good day for New Orleans, yes I was a little sore, but still enjoyed watching the Saints win the Superbowl. That city needs a break, but more than that, they need people to remember. They need people to keep talking about the fact that it's been 53 months and the recovery is still happening. It's why I want to run. The organization I'm raising money for is called Contemplatives in Action That's a link you can use to donate, or if you prefer to write a check they've got their address posted to.

One of the things I love about CIA is that they're people focused. Everyone who works there has their own story, but they're so focused on the stories of New Orleans and the people of New Orleans. They run days of prayer/reflection and retreats for people who live there, as you'd probably imagine burnout is a huge problem there. They also provide hospitality for groups that come in to help out with the recovery efforts. A few years ago I had the opportunity to go as part of a trip that FJV's were coordinating, and CIA helped provide the lodgings and the prayers and reflections for us. I was moved by the experience.

What struck me was the gratefulness of the locals that people were still coming, a year later, but more than that, that we listened. They had such a need to tell their stories. I want their stories to be told. I want their stories to ring out. I want their stories to cry out before God and embarrasses us out of our complacency. I want their stories to trouble us and disquiet us. For everyone who spent 8 days cowering in their attic, I will run.

What do you see

2010-02-04T18:23:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of listening to the thesis defense of Emmanuel Foro S.J. earlier this week. I was there for two reasons. First, Emmanuel had been my spiritual director during the silent retreat I went on prior to the start of the school year. I was impressed with his abilities as a spiritual director. At the end of his defense I was impressed at his abilities as a scholar, a priest and just a good human being, which brings me to the second reason I was there, his thesis. He wrote on Reconciliation and the Rwandan Genocide.

During the course of the defense he laid out his own personal theory of reconciliation that stemmed from a question he asked. What do you see when you look at the cross, how do you feel? If you feel fear, then you see a God of wrath, the old testament God who needed this sacrifice to be appeased. If you feel guilty then you see a God of judgment who keeps score of wrongs, and that needed a Jesus so perfect to take away your own short comings. If you feel joy and love then you see a God of peace and love and one who can reconcile all things to Himself.

If we look at the cross with love, not for the suffering it entailed, but for the gift that Jesus' death truly is for each of us, then God's love for each of us is made manifest. We believe that healing is possible. We believe that beauty can be found in the darkest of places. And we will no longer be afraid to face them.

Vive Mexico

2010-01-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

I stood there at the chain link fence on the bridge over the train tracks. I'd been sent here by Rogohillo the man who was calling the shots at Casa del Migrante, where I was spending my second weekend in Mexico. He sent Daniella and myself there, because "he wanted him" (he said this in Spanish pointing at me, but I followed the gist of it) to see this.

I admit I was angry. I knew why he wanted me to see this, but I resented the implication behind it that I was just another gringo. Yet, there I was staring at the scene below me. Eight men were waiting for the train that I could see parked further down the tracks. It was turning around and then would be heading towards them, and continuing on further North, towards America. Hector, the Jesuit Scholastic with me wanted us to be able to get closer, but unfortunately, the men who charge the migrants for the privilege of jumping on the trains going at fairly slow speeds (keep in mind slow speeds for a train can and will still kill you if you're not careful) through the station don't like us being there.

So instead I stood some thirty feet above them, watching. I watched them wait for a train that didn't come, or at least waited until after we left. There were two girls from highschool who were volunteering at the center that day with us. We'd borrowed their families car to drive down and they asked me in English what I thought of the train. I told them that I wished there was a safer way for people to come to my country.

I spent that afternoon talking with the men (only men were staying at the Casa, a 24 hour shelter for immigrants on their way North, it houses both men and women, but this particular day, there were no women) who were staying there. I talked with Jose from Guatemala in broken Spanish and English. I also talked with Alejandro. Jose's trip had been fairly easy, for a trek several thousand miles long. Alejandro had fared worse. He'd been living in the US for 6 years before being deported so his English was very good. He allowed that if he'd known that this trip would be as horrible and difficult as it was he would have stayed in Honduras, his home country. I'd imagine that this had something to do with the fact he'd been held hostage and tortured for several days prior to his arrival there. He didn't go into details about his escape and I didn't ask.

I wished that weekend, and not for the first time, that there was a safer way for people to come to my country. Frankly, I don't care what your position on the political spectrum regarding immigration reform, but it's needed.

And I would hope that as Catholics, whatever side you take on this issue, you would agree that the human toll in deaths, is too high. It's estimated that between 200-500 people die each year crossing the border between Mexico and the USA. This year, one of them might be Jose or Alejandro. 200-500 is 200-500 too many.

Hurdles

2010-01-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

So there's a reason that running out doors is a year round activity in California. There's also a reason that it's really not in Maryland.

It's not so much the cold. Honestly, I could deal with the cold, it's the occasional gust of bone chilling wind that cuts through any layers you're wearing. It's hard to layer effectively when you're running, you need to balance enough layers to stay warm without going overboard because one really doesn't want to overheat. Perhaps this is something I'll gain with experience, however, I've been erring on the side of less is more because I really REALLY don't want to overheat. I did that at the end of a long run (thankfully RIGHT at the end) and came close to passing out fairly early on in training.

Thankfully I can still do my minimum distances, though my knee's been annoying of late. I'm thinking of accepting that I am an old man and getting a soft brace since it doesn't bother me at all while walking, but throw running/jogging into the mix and it will start to annoy me around mile 3. I currently blame the cold weather.

But back to the wind. The thing about the wind is running into it sucks momentum. Being a Ballantine I'm stubborn, and a little cocky. Mile two running into the head wind would witness me kidney punching it and taunting it with lines such as "is that all you got?" Mile 4 would witness me hunched over praying to God that the evil and malevolent force that is the head wind I've been running into intermittently for the past 4 miles please leave me alone thank you very much. I've hit winds strong enough to sap my momentum every run in my parents neighborhood. The evil wind has only once had the decency to be at my back. For all of 30 seconds. Still its something.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

I hope that yours is one filled with joy and love. May it be special and memorable whomever you share it with.

It never ceases to amaze me sometimes that 2000 years ago God was hopeful enough to become like us and bring us a message of salvation. These are uncertain times we live in, financial crises, rising food prices (particularly in certain sections of the world,) wars, abject poverty; yet the times were just as uncertain 2000 years ago when Jesus took flesh and became human (I can say this with some authority since I am a student of history.) Emmanuel, God is with us has come. God is indeed with us, not just today, though it's easier to remember it today, but everyday.

That is why Jesus was born 2000 years ago, to bring us the message of God's unconditional love for us and to let us know God is with us always. May you experience God's love today, as we celebrate the birth of the Son.

To Gu or not to Gu?

2009-12-21T08:58:00.001-08:00

The running is going better than expected.

I ran 7 miles on Sunday and only walked probably about 4 blocks. Two of them I could have run, but I was planning ahead and conserving energy for the rather large hill I was about to jog up. I think the older gentleman I passed probably got a good laugh at my expense; as I jogged by him I was muttering the entire time under my breath “poor choice, need new route.”

The really big victory in that run was two fold, first, that I finished in just under an hour and ten minutes, which means I’m consistent with my 10 minute mile pace despite having to vary up hill and down hill throughout the route.

Secondly, I ate gu and managed not to hurl. For those of you who haven’t done long distance running, something to remember is that after one hour of activity your body will start cannibalizing your own muscle to feed itself. Apparently, every sixty minutes of activity requires some caloric intake to prevent this. Thus my experimentation with gu. My coach/friend Susan and I went to REI on Thursday to buy a bunch of different gus/shot blocks/sports beans.

She recommended experimenting to find out what works best, unfortunately she said some of this experimentation might be of the “this makes me yak, this doesn’t make me yak” variety. Cliff shot strawberry with caffeine passes the yak test, and while not exactly the most delectable thing I’d put in my mouth it certainly wasn’t as foul tasting as I’d prepared myself for. And as a testament to the fact that it actually worked the last two miles went a heck of a lot easier than they had any right to. Probably the caffeine, but at least I had the energy to whine to myself as I was jogging up that unpleasantly steep hill.

I’ll write another post later this week about the organization I’m fund raising for as part of the Triathlon in April soon, I’ll even include a link, you know, for those of you reading who want to donate. I’ve made a pledge to raise 1,000 dollars for them. Considering they cover my entry fee, put me up and feed me while I’m there not to mention pay for my plane tickets they ask us to raise 700 dollars bare minimum since that covers all of that. I told them I’d try and put a little icing on that cake.

What am I giving Jesus for Christmas?

2009-12-20T09:24:00.000-08:00

I remember as a small child insisting that my family sing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas or Christmas Eve, whenever we'd have the family over. Since I was ignorant of the historicity and likelihood that this was most likely not Jesus' actual birthday, it made perfect sense to me that this was Jesus' birthday and we should sing him happy birthday. I was always a little puzzled too with my child-like faith over why nobody gave Jesus any birthday presents, seems like we were giving each other a lot of them.

Given that, I was kind of surprised when by what occurred while I was waiting for spiritual direction this week. I attend monthly spiritual direction with a Jesuit whom I know from my days in Chicago, he was my spiritual director for the two years I was out there, and in a bizarre bit of coincidence he left Chicago three weeks before I did, to take the job he now currently holds as director of University Ministries for the University of San Francisco. I e-mailed him when I was on my way out here to see if he’d be willing to be my spiritual director and he agreed. At it’s heart spiritual direction is relationship counseling for you and God, or at least I tend to view it as such, c’est la vie.

So while I was waiting for my spiritual director to tie up some loose ends (I’d arrived a good bit early) I was sitting an reflecting on events and interactions with God over the past month and just being peaceful when Jesus showed up and asked a simple question, “What are you giving me for Christmas this year?”

If anyone else asked me that I’d laugh and tell them they’re being rude, however, given that it’s Jesus, he had a point; it all comes down to those things I’d wondered about as a small child, how come we don’t give Jesus anything on his birthday? Well, now Jesus had shown up and explicitly asked what I’m giving him for Christmas, you ever have someone give you a Christmas gift and not know how to take it because, you have that awkward “OH are we exchanging gifts this year?” interaction. At least I had the grace (pun intended) to not shoot back with “what are you getting me?”

I fumbled and stalled for a bit, and asked “what do you want?”

Jesus smiled and said “You know what I want.”

Jesus was gently reminding me that I really hadn’t prayed that much during finals. Not in a passive aggressive way mind you, just in a plain simple matter of fact way, he was telling me that he wants me to give him myself. It was a reminder that during times of transition (and there will be plenty of those in the year ahead) that I am my best self when I stay grounded and let him be part of that process, but if I try and do it entirely on my own I usually end up going half crazed.

Simply put, Jesus wanted me for Christmas.

There’s something absolutely starkly terrifying about that. There’s this neurosis that pervades the Catholic psyche about doing things right. I think the nuns drub it into us in Catholic school and each generation hands it down to the next, it’s also why (at least to my mind) things like the rosary and novena’s that are typical Catholic prayers are very formulaic, so we know if we’re doing them right and can reassure ourselves.

This is probably why the first reaction to Jesus’ question and response was one of fear. Somewhere deep down inside me there’s this fear that I will screw that up. But after talking it over with my spiritual director and sitting with Jesus some more came the realization it doesn’t matter.

The flip side to the Catholic neurosis of “doing things right” is that we actually do things. It’s one of the more beautiful aspects of our faith, we get out there and try.

I may still not be doing things right, but ultimately that doesn’t matter a whole lot, God’s more concerned that I show up, Jesus gently reminded me that I’m my best self when I trust him, when I look back at moments of stress and tribulation and transition, then ones that went smoothest were the ones where I trusted God and let him be part of that experience. Objectively leaving JVC’s employment sucked, yet through that entire experience I never once doubted God was with me, I just knew and trusted.

So what are you giving Jesus for Christmas?

New Translation

2009-12-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

There's a new translation of the Roman Missal coming out.

I actually wrote my final paper for Liturgical Theology on it.

For those of you who aren't aware of it check out this link: Roman Missal

Like any translation there are some good things and bad things in it, and I'll focus my attention on the Nicene Creed.

For the most part I like the new version of the Creed. By and large it is a bit more succinct and a clearer articulation of some aspects of our faith; however, three aspects of the new translation don't quite sit right.

Firstly, they've changed it from the plural to the singular translating the greek we believe now as I believe. This bugs me on two levels, firstly the whole point allegedly behind the new translation of the Roman Missals is they want it to be a more literal translation. If that's their guiding principal there is no excusing what is a clear plural ending of the Greek verb as a singular. It means that the translators either can't read Greek, in which case they shouldn't be doing this in the first place, or it means they don't know English, again see my original point.

The other level is one of Catholic identity. We always made a big deal about the fact that we communally express our faith. I distinctly remember my roommate from JVC making a big deal about this when I was hanging out with my baptist friend and he was afraid that she was going to convert me but I digress. The point being Catholics for years have been able to point to this communal WE profession of faith and use it to say, for good or ill, that this makes us different from the protestants who typically say the Apostle's creed in their worship services. What happens when you take that kind of a boundary marker away from people?

The second issue has to do with the switch from one in being to consubstantial and born of the Virgin Mary to incarnate of the Virgin Mary. The first instance consubstantial, technically is a very literal translation of the Greek original. Additionally it's a better translation of the thought behind that phrase; yet, how many typical Catholics have a background in Greek philosophy or early Church history to know that? This one is going to require some serious continuing education series offered through local parishes. Yes, technically consubstantial means the same thing as "one in being with" but that's not going to be readily apparent to most people, it makes this part clumsy, since most people probably wont even know how to pronounce it.

My issues with "incarnate" are largely the same; however, there is an additional dangerous theological implication in this one. Due to really poor English word order people can walk away thinking that Mary was an actor in the incarnation. I'm not denigrating the whole process of giving birth and the hours she spent in labor, however, go and look and you'll see that if you don't read it carefully or think about it you'll think that not only the Holy Spirit but also Mary is making Jesus "incarnate."

Finally, they neutered the Holy Spirit. Throughout the section of the creed pertaining to the Holy Spirit they now use the relative pronoun "who." I find this slightly amusing given the insistence of the translators everywhere else throughout the Missal to make sure that God is referred to with male pronouns anytime a pronoun is used, but be that as it may, it makes the Holy Spirit even more distant. I feel that Catholics don't really "get" the Holy Spirit, they don't think about praying to it, nor do they look to it, taking away something that made it vaguely human probably won't help matters much in this department.

But anyway, those of you who are hearing about the new translations for the first time should go check out the link and read. There's some really amusing stuff in there for other parts of it that makes me think the translator wasn't always a native English speaker.

Social Sins

2009-12-06T11:03:00.000-08:00

And in the end these things will destroy us:
Politics without principle
Wealth without work
Pleasure without principle
Knowledge without character
Commerce without morality
Science without humanity
Worship without sacrifice

Ghandi

I and some friends led an advent prayer for our Mdiv cohort this past Wednesday before our weekly seminar. Part of it contained that quote above, and I was the one who read it aloud to the class. It's stuck with me since. Honestly, each line in there is powerful and heavy with the truth, each one deserves its own blog posting. This isn't the first time I've encountered this quote, but that last line, worship without sacrifice has stuck in my gut since Wednesday.

Advent is upon us. Christ is coming. As a Christian I believe in the divinity of Christ, he truly was and is the son of God. As a Catholic I believe firmly that every week at mass I receive his body and his blood in the Eucharist, yet what good is my worship if I am not willing to sacrifice, what good are my comfortable beliefs and verbal professions of faith if it does not translate into a lived expression of them.

Too often Christians sanitize and white wash Jesus. We forget or brush over the fact he had a lot of very pointed things to say to people in power. We don't want to acknowledge the parts of Jesus that make us uncomfortable, the parts that shake us up and spin us around. The parts of his teachings that would mean we'd have to change, that we'd have to sacrifice... those are the ones we ignore. Jesus refused to respect those who used their power to deny the dignity and humanity of others, those who were so bound up in rules and regulations that they wouldn't and couldn't see past them to help another person in need. Don't get me wrong, he loved the pharisees like he loved all people, but the thing about real love, it doesn't have to be nice. Real love means challenge, real love means arguments, real love means strife, real love means sacrifice.

Do I really love Jesus that much? Am I willing to say things that will make others uncomfortable, am I willing to ask questions that might shake the comfortable white washed faith of others? Am I too often caught up in what others think of me to say what's in my heart? Am I willing to love Jesus enough to give up enough of myself and be willing to learn from and truly know him? Am I willing to admit I don't know Jesus nearly as well as I think I do?

Only Human

2009-11-29T15:21:00.000-08:00

So training continues, though I hit a glitch earlier this week. On the way out to North Dakota I managed to develop a fairly bad case of food poisoning. It was awful. Let's just say if, for any reason, you are going through San Francisco's airport, avoid the Ham Egg and Cheese breakfast panini at all costs. There's probably a reason that it's the cheapest thing on the menu.

That meant that Monday night was spent being, well, sick. I spent Tuesday sleeping it off, since I still was not feeling great. Wednesday I was mostly back on my feet but I didn't start training again until Thursday. I ran on the treadmill at Marsha's gym and actually felt really good afterwards. On Saturday we went again and I did cross training, and today I did my long run on the treadmill. Purists would probably take issue with this, but I challenge them to run outside when it's below freezing. The five miles today went fine. I actually was running a bit more than a 10 minute mile pace for a good chunk of it.

My "coach" Susan, who's coordinating the athletes taking part in the Triathlon in New Orleans, has instituted a strict post run routine for me. I am to drink a protein shake. I don't in theory object to this, but the protein powder I currently posses tastes like watered down soy milk when reconstituted with water. Maybe I should try reconstituting it with Soy milk? Usually I'm so thirsty that it's gone in two or three gulps. However, out here in Fargo, I don't have my protein powder, so I've been substituting protein bars.

It's kind of funny to me that a significant motivating factor for doing this whole thing, the half marathon in February and then again in April as part of the Triathlon relay team was to see if my body can take it. Then I get violently ill during training. I seriously felt like death warmed over. It was pretty brutal, not nearly as bad as the colitis, but definitely the sickest I've been in a while. I've spent a significant portion of my life being "bound" by what my body could or couldn't do; during the colitis and then recovery from surgeries I was limited in what I was supposed to do. So this is supposed to be a way of seeing that my body truly is capable of something like this. I'm supposed to be pushing my body, and God goes and gives me a gentle (well... I wouldn't call anything about the 48 hours I was sick and recovering "gentle) reminder that I'm only human. A nice slap in the face to say that really, you are bound by your body, you may want to prove to yourself that it's capable of more than people give it credit for, but put one bad sandwich in it and boom.

It was, needless to say, a humbling 48 hours. It's over now thankfully, and hopefully, I'll be a little more mindful of the fact that while endurance races are frequently individual efforts, in the end, it's really not about me and it's not all on me.

I blessed the rains...

2009-11-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

On Thursday a group of interfaith leaders and myself blessed a bank.

There's more to it than this. Originally the plan had been for all of us to anoint the bank because it's sick with greed. However, that's rather Catholic/Anglican. We had a Rabbi joining us and in deference to that figured we should back off the overtly Catholic sacrament (I work for the Interfaith Committee for Worker Justice after all) additionally, the ritual wasn't going to start until 6:30 by which point it would be too dark for anyone to see the oil we were going to use for anointing. Also, water is easier to transport than oil. So the plan was to sprinkle the bank with holy water, which we would all consecrate.

The ritual sprinkling happened at the end of a march of hotel workers through downtown Oakland. Along the way we made a stop at City hall, as a show of strength. We got there shortly after 5:00 to show how many people we were, and also to have our supporters in city hall give speeches to rally the crowd.

After that we marched onwards to Morgan Stanley. They're the funders and owners of one of the hotels that the union organizing the rally represents. Now a bit of background, the Claremont hotel is also part of a spa and day resort, there's a hotel on the property. Morgan Stanley owns the Claremont. Morgan Stanley also received 10 billion dollars in federal bailout money. That means they received my tax money, and yours too. As well as Carl's and Juan and Hugo, three workers from there that I met a few weeks ago when I got the chance to go and visit.

Hugo told me about how he had been "fired" a few years ago. He was technically just put on administrative leave while they investigated some allegations. This is a classic management technique for effectively silencing a union leader. Except, at the time he wasn't. He got furious and said, to heck with this I'm out of here and going on vacation. They got indignant and said, we might need you to work tomorrow. He said, well you better call me before I get on a plane. The investigation got wrapped up quickly and he joined the union and has been agitating on behalf of his fellow workers there ever since.

Carl was a bit quiter. He and I would actually talk later at a prayer service and I'd get to know him better. What impressed me most about him was his concern for his fellow workers. He's single so he knows he'll make it. But his eyes welled up and he started sobbing and his voice shook as he talked about how his coworkers are his family and how many of them have children, and this contract would make things impossible for them. He doesn't understand how the management doesn't see that.

Juan works as a cook. He and I talked quite a bit actually. Initially he was excited over the fact I was studying to become a priest. This was before I cleared up a misunderstanding that happened when the organizer introduced us. He's a cook and we bonded over some of our favorite dishes to share. We warmed up a bit later, and he talked about the contract that the management wants them to sign. The union asked for a one or two year contract, acknowledging the shaky state of the economy, they wanted a modest 10 cent raise and they wanted to keep health care costs the same. Management responded and said that they had to make cuts. They wanted to cut pay retroactively by 10%, so that they would have to pay back 10% of everything they've made since August 1st of this year. Health care costs would be increasing from 10 dollars a month to 80 if you're single. The family costs would be increasing, from 25 a month to 250 a month. That's just the first year. In the second year the costs would rise to 120 for single coverage 325 for family coverage.

This is what our tax money is being used for. This is why I joined my fellow faith leaders to cry out no more. The water was meant to be a symbol of transformation and cleansing and renewal. Transformation from a mindset beset with personal gain, where half billion dollar bonuses are the accepted norm. Cleansing from the sin of greed that would gobble and destroy the lives and lively hoods of the workers I was marching alongside, and a renewal of the covenant the owners of Morgan Stanley should have made when they took 10 billion dollars of our tax money.

I'm starting to get fed up with people who claim that unions aren't necessary. We're not dealing with family own businesses these days, where it is possible to work out a "gentlemans agreement," where it's an actual person who knows you and treats you with respect, we're dealing with multinational corporations who worship their own personal profit. When we're dealing with faceless corporations that will run hotels at a loss in cities on the other side of the country from their corporate office because they're making money hand over fist from this business dealing, or hotels in other cities, Unions are the only way to level the playing field.

The catholic church has for the past century affirmed the right of workers to organize collectively. I think its time that we were reminded of the necessity of this. We've got a long list of things to thank unions for, the five day work week, the forty hour work week, paid vacations, paid sick leave, safety regulations on the work site, etc. The list goes on and on. The Catholic Church recognizes that part of being treated with dignity in your work is your ability to organize with your coworkers if you choose to. Remember that next year. There's legislation that a bunch of different unions are going to try and push through congress that will make it easier to join a union. Frankly, I don't want to give facless corporations any more leverage over me, or anyone else than they already have. Let's level the playing field, and remember that as Catholics, we're called on to support those institutions that treat their workers with respect.

If you're traveling to the Bay area anytime soon, let me know and I'll give you a list of hotels to stay at, and ones that you'll potentially be crossing a picket line to get to your room.

Momento Mori

2009-11-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

I went on a long run Sunday, which at this point in training means four miles, not much, but hey it's a start.

Regardless, I went running with my friends Susan and Katie, from their lay community in Oakland to and through a nearby cemetery.

We started running around 4:45 and finished up around 40 minutes later, so we ran fairly consistently at a 10 minute mile pace, which is what I'm aiming for.

The run itself is had this weird other wordly feel to it. The sun was setting and there we were running through a cemetery, with all the dead looking on. Gravestones and memorials as far as the eye can see. It gave the whole experience this momento mori (remember to die) edge to it.

I feel that too often as a culture we sanitize death. We clean it up and try and shy away from it and pretend that it doesn't happen. The dead beg to differ. Death is not pretty, death is not dignified and death, will come for us all some day.

That being said, to give this a slightly lighter tone, death for Christians is never the final word. Yes the crucifixion happens, yes there is pain and suffering, yes there is death and the tomb; but there is also the resurrection. There is the hope of the life hereafter where we will toil no more. There is the communion of saints, we share Christ's death, thankfully we share also in the resurrection.

The run took on this meditative feel, questions abounded about what is dead in my life, and where have I turned away from God recently. It provided a good space to do a quick examine (Ignatian prayer) as much as one can do while simultaneously praying "please God let this hill end soon."

It was a pleasant run, and now I've done a little less than a third of the half marathon distance. I'm beginning to suspect that it is in fact possible to run for 13.1 miles with out stopping. We shall see.

Running on Faith

2009-10-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Training for the half marathon has officially begun.

I officially need to find a new running route.

The Bay area is one of the hilliest in the country, I thought I had taken this into account adequately enough when plotting my current running route. However, I had currently have myself running up Virginia, the street I live on, at the end of my jog. This is, by all accounts, stupid. There's nothing fun about the grade of that hill.

A few other thoughts from training so far, anyone who tells you that exercise, more specifically running, is not an act of Faith, is either lying or selling something. I do know that I pray with much more fervor and conviction when I am running. Usually my prayer consists of "Please Lord, deliver me." Running in an urban environment means crossing busy intersections and dealing with traffic and snickers of smug people in much better shape than I am, I'm still kind of amazed how many intersections I've come to where I manage to hit the timing just right so that I don't have to wait at it, usually this happens when I know if I have to stop running I'm not sure I'll actually start back up again.

Suffice it to say that the training is going as well as can be expected.

The Holy Spirit

2009-10-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Pity the Holy Spirit, the poor forgotten step child of the trinity
Father Dan Ruff S.J.

I went to mass at the Jesuit school this evening and helped coordinate it. In laymans terms that means that I set the altar and recruited Eucharistic ministers and Lectors. I had the privilege of assisting Father Kurt Denk. Kurt and I go back a ways, I knew him during his regency (the working phase of the Jesuit formation process) as he was a teacher of Philosophy at Loyola College while I was a student there. Additionally he was on staff for the Center for Values and service. It was a nice little reunion.

During the Eucharistic prayer, there's an invocation of the Holy Spirit that struck me today as I was standing with the congregation. It reminded me of something Dan Ruff, another Jesuit used to say about the Holy Spirit. A lot of attention within the Trinity is given to God the Creator and Jesus the Son, but in Catholic circles the Holy Spirit doesn't get talked about all that much. Perhaps this is why all Jesuit schools have a Mass of the Holy Spirit at the beginning of their academic year. To cause people to reflect on the Holy Spirit, who She is to them, and how they see Him working in their life.

I tend to see the Holy Spirit acting most in my life through subtle intuitions and things that are usually attributable to coincidence. When everything comes together just right for a big event that I've been planning, when a friend whom I asked to say grace blows me and everyone else away with this powerful reflective prayer that could alone have been the whole event, that flash of inspiration that causes me to scrap my original paper topic and start from scratch. That's the Holy Spirit.

So who is the Holy Spirit for you?

Leviticus

2009-10-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

So perhaps it's just me and my bias (I am the son of a Lawyer after all,) but I've been starting to read Leviticus, Deuteronomy and the law parts of Exodus as God's operation manual for the Israelites.

If you think about it from a law suit/settlement mindset, a whole heck of a lot more of that book makes sense.

Take for example, this passage from Exodus: "When a man gives an ass, or an ox or a sheep or any other animal to another for safekeeping, if it dies, or is maimed or snatched away without anyone witnessing the fact, the custodian shall swear by the Lord that he did not lay hands on his neighbors property; the owner must accept the oath and no restitution is to be made. But if the custodian is really guilty of theft, he must make restitution to the owner. If it has been killed by a wild beast, let him bring it as evidence, and he need not make restitution for the mangled animal."

Tradition has it that Moses is the author of the Law and the Pentatuch. I mean can't you just see it. Ishmael hit Joshua's goat with a stick because it was in his field and wouldn't move. Joshua's goat staggers home to Joshua and promptly dies. Witnesses are called before Moses to testify to the fact, Ishmael did hit Joshua's goat pretty hard... and Moses retires to consult God.

Moses: God I've got another one
God: JESUS CHRIST what is it this time?
Moses: Sigh.. I know I know... Ishmael
God: Him again?
Moses: Yeah he hit Joshua's goat and it died.
God: Why the heck did he do that?
Moses: It wasn't moving from his field.
God: Oh. Did it die in his field?
Moses: No it staggered home to Joshua.
God: Did it die right away?
Moses: well it made it back to the flock and staggered around there for a bit, then died.
God: Sigh... fine

And thus we find out that if an animal makes it back to its owners property after being struck the one who struck it shall not make restitution if it was grazing on his land. However, if he struck it for no particular reason he must make restitution. If however, it shall linger till the next day he need make no restitution for striking the animal with his staff. Woe be unto him, however, who strikes his neighbors animal with a rock for unto him shall come...

and you get the idea right? We have frivilous lawsuits over how to properly use electronic equipment and someone using it in a manner inconsistent with it's intended purpose makes for yet another page in the next models manual to prevent further law suits. The Israelites had lawsuits over animals, or slaves or sex... just think about bestiality:

Moses: Uhm God... Ishmael
God: Sigh, what did he do this time?
Moses: Uhm... well he and one of Joshua's goats.
God: Did he hit another one? I thought I told you what to do about that two days ago?
Moses: Well... in a manner of speaking he hit it, but not with his staff.
God:...
Moses: He was found in a compromising position with Joshua's goat.
God: HE did what to a goat? Oh #*$& no. That's it, let it be known to all my people they can not do that to goats, or antelopes or any animal. Put the goat out of it's misery tonight, and make Ishmael spend 7 days outside the community till he's REALLY sorry, no mana for that guy. And you BETTER not try and sacrifice that goat to me. I'm watching you.

Like I said... makes that whole part of the Bible make a lot more sense.

The Devil

2009-09-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist
The usual suspects

I was talking tonight with a friend of mine here about, interestingly enough, the Devil. We got on the subject because I'm rereading the Didache for a history paper (the Didache is the teachings of the Apostles for the new church) and in there they talk a lot about the role of prophets in the church. A role which has since fallen into... well... disuse. The description of them was one that seemed almost charismatic. Anyway.

I've wrestled with this topic quite a bit myself before even getting here. I haven't arrived at any mind blowing conclusions, and to be honest, the big question here at the root of the "devil" question is the existence of evil. As my church history professor here said, the question of evil is one that every good THINKING christian has to and needs to wrestle with at least once in their life. For me it's more of a constant wrestling, and frankly that is another blog post in and of itself. Back to the Devil.

It's interesting to me that I'm posting this on the feast of Saint Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, the three archangels who threw down Satan and his angels from heaven. When you get down to it... at times I tend to agree with my friend Brian from college, I'm not entirely sure whether or not the Devil exists. I tend to find that the Devil provides a scapegoat and a good excuse for evil, when quite frankly, a lot of evil in the world is done by people to other people. I'm not entirely sure I want to give genocidists and corporate hitmen a pass. What they do is evil in any and all senses of the word. Perhaps this is me being hard of heart, but I don't want some supernatural force of evil they can point to and say,"the Devil made me do it." No, they don't get a pass that easily.

What I do believe about the Devil is this. He is extremely subtle. Frankly, if the Devil were to appear to me as the stereotypical pointy bearded, twisted tail and cloven hooves... I'd probably wet myself I'd be laughing that hard. I just wouldn't be capable of taking him seriously. No, the Devil, when he chooses to act, is much more subtle. Especially for those who have an active faith, and can discern his actions, he never comes at you head on, it's always indirect. For example, without getting too specific, a couple years ago I went through a period of extreme self doubt in my abilities as a minister. I dug myself down into a really deep pit of depression and despair, to the point where I wasn't sure there was a bottom or how to get out. Did the Devil throw me forcibly down there? No, I did it to myself. But if we want to accept the existence of the Devil you can bet he was handing me the shovel and every other tool I used to put myself there.

This brings me to the only other thing I feel I can say about the Devil with any certainty. S/He has as much power as you give him/her. No more, and no less. One the one hand, if you recognize that the Devil is actively coming after you, by handing you a shovel to dig yourself a pit of self doubt and despair, but you reject the negative patterns of thought and instead start spending time with people who affirm you, (because you might at that point be incapable of doing it yourself) you're taking away the Devil's power. If, on the other hand, you keep shoveling... well, you're certainly not helping yourself. After all, as Kevin Spacey said in the usual suspects, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled is convincing the world that he doesn't exist.

Baptism

2009-09-29T00:38:00.001-07:00

My nephew David was baptized this weekend. I was thankfully able to be present, and also to be selected as his sponsor (Lutherans use the term sponsor instead of Godparent, the role is the same, helps play an important role in the faith formation of the newly baptized child.)

It was a neat little ceremony, but also interesting. I'm used to baptism's happening in the context of a church service. The only other one I've attended where that wasn't the case was my cousin's Karen and Kimmy's newest babies baptism's this past Spring. Fun facts about Catholic baptism: it can be performed anytime, anywhere by any baptized catholic. Those of you who would say that women can not perform sacraments are wrong, that being said this is the only sacrament a catholic woman is capable of performing. Catholic women are capable of performing a baptism. According to Catholic teaching, anyone Catholic, by right of their own baptism, can baptize another in the faith. All that is required is water, or some other liquid and a statement of faith and belief from the person receiving it. Though this baptism is really only supposed to be done in emergencies.

During the early days of the church, (we're talking first or second century and early 3rd century) it was also a commonly held belief that if you were martyred, that counted for your baptism, back then children weren't traditionally baptized, you were supposed to wait until you were an adult and then study (for sometimes and in some places for as long as three years) to become a Christian. Hence, if you were arrested during your time of study and publicly witnessed to the faith (the main component of martyrdom, you could actually be a martyr and not die, it happened once or twice) and were killed, the blood you shed during your death baptized you.

Musings about the historicity and theology of Baptisms aside, it was a very beautiful and moving service.

Here's some pictures from it.

Why is this a good idea?

2009-09-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

So, as promised this is the new blog.

Firstly, on the running. I'm getting started on a general get used to running schedule (I technically don't need to start serious training till Late November, early December) and have worked out a few routes in my neighborhood that I'll be starting. Of course this would happen to coincide nicely with a heat wave hitting the area the next three days. C'est La Vie.

As to why the new blog and the name... I figure divinity school will lead me to this question with some frequency. Why am I Catholic? I don't know that there's an easy answer. I definitely have a theology grounding and I've had many dark nights of the soul, and several direct encounters with God. So I thought this would be a good title to throw out there conversations starters, things I talk about in class and insights from my studies. I know that in my own life I have asked that question many times with a sigh, but answered it proudly just as many times with reasons why I am a Catholic.

If any of the musings that I post here spark your interest, by all means please contact me. Y'all know how to get a hold of me.

Peace,
Brian